How to Cheer Up a Drum


*The scene is the studio’s stage in the middle of the night. Faint drumming sounds in rhythmic patterns. A green light appears backstage.*
Solid Snake

*into his codec* Target has been localized. Come as soon as possible, I don’t want to have to deal with this myself… What? You want me to go talk to him? You do realize my strong point is to spy on people, not to… Hrngh… Fine, but please come quickly.

*Snake gets out of his box and approaches the drumming.*
Don-chan

*suddenly stops* I-is someone there?

Solid Snake

It’s me, Solid Snake. I have to talk to you.

Don-chan

Mr. Snake! Am I being too loud?

Solid Snake

N-No. I’m here since someone sent me to come and find you.

Solid Snake

Huh, I was waiting for you to ask me who it was. I guess you already know.

*A brief silence.*
Solid Snake

Hrngh… I’m not very good at saying things like this but… Listen, kid, sorry about what happened during the tournament. Many battles were close, but I don’t think anybody was expecting an outcome like yours. 20 votes…

Don-chan

20 votes… don…

*Silence.*
Don-chan

I spoke with the Great Soul; she made me hear Kat-chan’s voice, and it cheered me up a bit. She advised me to play some taiko to prepare for the next match. It should help me cheer up too, but…

Solid Snake

Not sure I understand whatever that was about great souls and whoever this “Catt” is… Contacting your “Great Soul” was a wise… erm… tactical decision to help make you feel better, I guess.

Don-chan

His name is Katsu. He’s my brother, da-don.

Solid Snake

I see. You know, I think you and Ms. Hakuko make for a good team. That American rocker with that red creature fought quite excellently, but you two put up a good fight.

Don-chan

I guess, don… I still think it’s not fair, don…

Solid Snake

Well, sometimes a light goes on you at random and you alert the guards, so you have to escape and postpone your mission. Life can’t always be fair.

*Don-chan rolls over and begins sobbing.*
Solid Snake

Hrgghh… come on now, soldier. Stay with me. You know, I’d prefer to lose by 20 votes instead of 2,000.

Don-chan

Why would you say that? It’s horrible! We were so close, da-*sniff*-don…

Solid Snake

N-No, I didn’t mean it like that. Even though you lost, it was only by a tiny margin. Some other contestants were completely crushed by their opponents, but you weren’t. Goes to show that a lot of people out there are rooting for you.

*Don-chan’s sobs slow down.*
Solid Snake

Do you see what I mean? You lost, but you weren’t obliterated. You stood your ground. Frankly… that was impressive.

Don-chan

*sniff* T-t-thanks, da-don… But- but- but I got lazy again and I don’t even know who our next opponent will be, don…

Solid Snake

Hrmmm… I believe Otacon told me about this opponent of yours before. His name is “Eminem Slim Marshall”. “Rap God”, or so he claims. Specializes in profanity-ridden bars and word play. Added a touch of salsa to his game recently.

Don-chan

Whoa! How do you know all of this?

Solid Snake

Don’t ask me, ask Otacon.

*Running sounds are suddenly heard. Hakuko rushes in.*
Hakuko

Don-chan, there you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you, I was so worried! Are you all right?

Don-chan

Oh, Hakuko-san! I’m sorry I left without telling you, da-don! I needed to talk to the Great Soul, and a bit of time off…

Hakuko

Mr. Snake, thank you for telling me about Don-chan’s whereabouts! You’re the best spy in the tournament, so I knew you would also be the best at finding people!

Solid Snake

Don’t mention it. It’s the least I could do after a matchup such as your own.

Hakuko

Thank you! I’m pumped and ready to feel the beat again. Are you ready too, Don-chan? That was a minor setback, let’s beat the competition in the losers’ bracket! Furu?

Don-chan

Combo, da-don! Thank you Hakuko-san! Thank you Mr. Snake! *sniff*

Hakuko

Mr. Snake, I know you lost some training time to look for Don-chan… so thank you again for your help.

Solid Snake

Don’t worry. I’ll be ready for the Doctor. He won’t see it comin’.

Don-chan

Good luck, Mr. Snake-don!

*The Rhythm Masters leave the room. Snake goes back in his box and rings up Otacon on his codec device.*
Otacon

Snake! I’ve been wanting to talk to you ever since I saw the match’s outcome, I can’t believe you made it past Round 1 this time! What took you so long to get back to me?

Solid Snake

Oh, it’s uh, nothing. I was just given a quick task from one of our other contestants. She wanted me to locate and… comfort her friend.

Otacon

Phhft! You did what? That’s not the Snake I know!

Solid Snake

It’s a long story. That’s not what I’m here for though, I’m curious about some other people. Do you know anything about the green rude doctor… or that taiko drum?