How To Cheer up a Snake


*Outside. It’s night. It’s cold.*
Don-chan

Look! There he is, da-don! Mr. Snake!

Hakuko

And he’s alone…

Don-chan

Yuck! What’s that smell?

Hakuko

He’s smoking a cigarette. It’s a grown up thing, don’t worry about it.

Don-chan

Smells nasty, da-don… he must not be very happy if he’s doing something that smells so yucky…

Hakuko

This doesn’t look like a good time, maybe we should head back –

Don-chan

No! We’ve been searching for so long, we can’t turn back now, don!

Hakuko

…I don’t know…

Don-chan

We have to go talk to him!

Solid Snake

You know I can hear you.

Don-chan

Dongyaaaa!

Hakuko

Oh! Y-you have very good ears, Snake. I’m sorry, we won’t bother you…

Solid Snake

No, it’s alright. You’re not disturbing me.

Hakuko

…ok… if you say so.

*They stand there for a moment in awkward silence. A breeze picks up.*
Don-chan

…bbbrrrrr… d-d-don…

Solid Snake

You should go back inside, it’s cold.

Hakuko

N-n-o, we’re used to the cold! I trained with seals and military birds in weather c-c-colder than this!

Don-chan

W-we’re okay, Mr. Snake, da-don.

Hakuko

Not a problem at all!

Solid Snake

Military birds… huh.

*Silence*
Solid Snake

…Neither of you are obliged to apologize. If that’s why you’re here, that is.

Hakuko

Oh, no no no, it’s not that…

Solid Snake

What is it, then?

Hakuko

We…um….

Don-chan

We wanted to make sure you were okay, da-don!

Hakuko

Yes! You lost! And… we’re sad! It’s such a shame…you put in so much effort, and especially after everything you’ve been through… you lost in the first tournament, and now you’ve lost so soon in this one…

Don-chan

And we’re the ones responsible… da-don…

Solid Snake

Hrrrng….

*Silence.*
Solid Snake

It’s not your fault that I lost, it’s mine.

Don-chan

No, it’s not!

Solid Snake

No. It was my responsibility to succeed, and I didn’t. It doesn’t have anything to do with either of you.

Don-chan

No, da-don!

Solid Snake

This isn’t up for negotiation.

Don-chan

But you’re wrong!

Hakuko

Don-chan…

Don-chan

You were awesome! You rocked! You were so amazing, da-don! You can’t say you failed! It’s not true! I don’t care how many votes you got!!

Hakuko

Ahh!!!

*Don-chan leaps out of Hakuko’s arms at Snake, going in for a hug. Snake, unprepared, reflexively defends himself and punches the incoming Don-Chan, sending him flying.*
Don-chan

Kyyaaaaaaaaa!!

Solid Snake

…! (Shit…)

Hakuko

DON-CHAN!!!

*Don-Chan lands a short distance away. Hakuko rushes to him.*
Hakuko

Don-Chan! Are you okay?!?!

Don-chan

…ayaaaaa…

Hakuko

Snake, how could you?!

Solid Snake

I-I’m sorry – it was out of instinct…

Hakuko

I don’t care how upset you are, it’s wrong for you to take out your feelings on us!

*Hakuko is nearly in tears.*
Solid Snake

I… I…

*Snake turns the other way and sighs.*
Solid Snake

Hrrgh… I don’t have time for this.

*Snake turns and heads back inside.*
Hakuko

W-wha-? Now hold on just a minute!

*Hakuko grabs Snake’s arm.*
Solid Snake

What the-

Hakuko

What’s your problem? You think you can just assault Don-Chan like that and walk away?

Solid Snake

I have a code to follow and a unit to get back to.

Hakuko

Oh, so your “code” is to attack the people you’re mad at?

Solid Snake

I’m not– This is a huge misunderstanding, Hakuko!

Don-chan

…Hakuko-san… why did he… hit me…?

Hakuko

Because he’s a ruthless animal who can’t control himself!

*Snake looks at Hakuko and Don-Chan briefly, but quickly turns away.*
Solid Snake

…Good evening.

*Snake walks away, leaving a hurt Hakuko and Don-Chan. Hakuko picks up Don-Chan.*
Hakuko

…come on, Don-Chan. It’s late. Let’s go back to our room.

Don-chan

**sniff**…okay…

*Hakuko heads back to the Gaylord, holding Don-Chan. In the cold wind, a shadow emerges. He watches the two enter.*
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