YEEEEEEOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck yeah!

ayy lmao

Hahaha, I must say, it’s really great to be here. You know, I always start every interview the same way, I’m sure you know the phrase? YEEEEEEOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Hahaha… You see, it comes from my brother. He would scream “YEEEEEEOOOOOOOO” whenever there was a problem – or as I prefer to call it, a “situation” – because there are no problems, you see, only solutions. He would go “YEEEEEEOOOOOOOO” and then someone else would hear it, and it was kind of like a cry for help, you know? Now don’t get it twisted, just because I use it in my music doesn’t mean I’m crying for help, no. I use this signal on behalf of everyone else who is listening, because *I’m* the problem! ;)

Oh come on smartycat, have you been listening? Because I am the problem, I am also the solution! Comprehendo?

Yeah, yeah, yeah… smartycat. Hahaha, I’m just messing around!

yeah

Yeah, fuck you Pitbull!

…um, hahaha… DALE!

Hahahahaha don’t worry my little cheetah man, we’re just playing. We’re all super tight. Man, me and my coochie Marcianito? We’ve been fuckin around for MILLENNIA man. It was just last year when my main man El Chombo said I’d be workin’ with this half-Gringo asshole. At first I was like “WHAT? Fuck that shit, that ain’t gonna bring no pussy.” But now we’re all as tight as much as this motherfucker says yeah.

yeah

Alright!! Yeah!

ayy lmao

yeah

Fuck yeah! We are SO going to win this tournament! Ok, so you know how we lost like fucking losers last time? That was the old us. That ain’t us no more. We’re the new us now. Then we were just some goofy-ass dance clown town. We ain’t just a joke no more.

yeah

Yeah, right on. Losing fucking sucked. But you know who also sucks? WowIEEEE these earth hoes are into some WEIRD-

Popoy, tone it down just a couple of notches, ok pal?

Oh don’t sweat it, we cool we cool.

…AHEM. As I was saying. There is no losing. Only learning. There is no failure. Only opportunities. There are no problems. Only solutions. You starting to get my drift?

yeah

Yeah, it’s all opportunity! For instance: the first tournament gave me the opportunity to meet my man Popoy. And he hooked me up with El Chombo so that I could make a deal with him for a Dame Tu Cosita remix with Karol G. And I gotta say, that experience was so hype that even your homeboy almost couldn’t handle it. Not ONLY did I get to remix a song that got 800 million views on YouTube, I also got to do a feature in a music video with an alien. Of course, it just feels totally normal now but-

Yeah it was crazy, before ain’t nobody even know my name. I was just the green guy. But now everyone knows who I am! But of course you can’t keep everything you gain. Like our coochie Howard, man he was a dick, so we-

Hold on Popoy. Now I one hundred percent respect Howard’s choice to leave our team. It’s not easy to separate from a close partnership in order to improve your future. You know what they say, right? If you love someone, set them free. I think he’s got a great opportunity with Will Smith and everyone over there in the alien hunting business. Your good old friend Pitbull even gets a little jealous on occasion that I don’t get to be an “Agent A”. A real tragedy! So of course our “tragic” loss from the first tournament is the best thing that’s ever happened to us.

yeah

Yeah. Oh and by the way, our opponent, this… Metal Gear Solid Snake Fellow?

Oh he’s a f-

“I feel asleep,” am I right? Hahaha… I remember the old Nintendo days, what a great bunch of games. It’s always great to see old classics brought back and reinvented, that’s part of the reason why I love sampling songs in my music!

Yeah yeah yeah, I play video games too! I did my research! I know my stuff! I do the Mario! Shake your hands from side to side…

ayy lmao

Yeah! I could take that fat ass. And mamma mia, WHAT an ASS. MmmmmMMMMMMMM! Here’s how it’s gonna go down. First, I’m gonna carefully strip him…………… of his weapons. Eyyy, you see what I did there?

ayy lmao

And then…I’m gonna kick him in the crotch! Yeah! I’ll kick that fat ass of his!

yeah

Fuck yeah! Of course we’ll win! We’re gonna take him and-

Now now now, you are both forgetting! Who cares if we lose? Being a part of this tournament is the most wonderful opportunity on its own! I thought my connections in music were crazy enough, but now I get to be in the same roster with amazing people like, uhhhh… Alan Levenson, DJ Professor K, Off the Hook, and Donkey Kong? Y’know what I want to give a shoutout to the entire team here at SiIvaGunner Studio Works; this entire roster is unbelievable. I’ve seen so many unbelievable things. An undead skeleton? An accountant with an evil teddy bear? Garfield and Friends? And… there was this other fellow… the one in the Mickey Mouse Halloween costume… creepy… forgive me, I’ve forgotten his name…

His name is Thanos, Mr. Fucking “““““““We’ll share the spotlight.”””””””

Of course! Thank you. (let’s talk after this is over, okay buddy?) Oh, and it goes without saying how incredible it is to be interviewed by a camera and a Pokémon. Yeah, I’mma be real with you, this all feels like something only a little kid in an elementary school could come up with, but it’s actually real life! I can’t wait to start. I’m sure you must have so many wonderful questions, and I’ll be sure to answer them all. So, what do you want to know?

ayy lmao