A Special Visit

DJ Professor K

HEY! I KNOW you ain’t asleep! You can sleep any other day, but not during these beats! JET SET RADIOOOOO!

DJ Professor K

…Ight, mic’s off! Y’all can get back to chatting.

Beat

Yoohoo! I love this track, cut it up!

Gum

Oh knock it off, hairball. We’ve cut it up for the past 12 tracks! We’re gonna run out of boom AND hearing before the day’s even over!

The beat gets a little more into it, and it clicks in Gum’s head what song is on.

Gum

…shiiiieeeet, this track? Never mind, max it the funk out, K!

DJ Professor K

Ha-ha! You got it G!

*Thud Thud*

Something is hitting the entrance door.

Yoyo

Ey yo Beat, did you fall on yo butt again?

Beat

What? I ain’t do nothin’! What you hittin’ on over there, Gum?

Gum

Please, if I hit somethin’, it’d be the upside of your head!

*Thud Thud*

Golden Rhinos

This is the Golden Rhinos! Get out here!

Yoyo

Huh? Who’s at the door, yo? Of course someone’d knock while our door guy is takin’ a crap.

DJ Professor K

Damn, how’d those assassins find my crib? Doc, take over the turntable real quick, I’ll deal with this. Don’t let those funky beats stop for a millisecond.

DJ Doctor K

You got it chief. Fix ‘em up straight out there.

Professor K leaves his post and goes down to open the door. The GGs curiously sneaking behind him. K steps out and is greeted by 4 assassins, a limousine, and… Rokkaku himself?!

Golden Rhinos

You’re dead meat, K!

All four assassins cock their guns and point them at K.

Rokkaku

Stand down, men.

Golden Rhinos

Sir yes sir!

They put their guns down.

DJ Professor K

…Heyy, Rokkaku, my old pal! How’s it been? I haven’t seen your face in the flesh in a hot minute! I would have thought one of your miserable lackey’s wouldda been at the door. Wanna come in? I’m sure I could whip up some tea or somethin- promise it ain’t spiked!

Rokkaku gives the Professor a piercing stare.

DJ Professor K

…Alright, what do you want, man? Who gave you the drop on this place, anyway? Thought I had my tracks covered!

Rokkaku

It’s simple, Professor. I wanted to be the one responsible for the great Professor K being struck down from his throne of rebellion! And as for how… I used a newly acquired… ”asset.”

Monokuma floats down with an open umbrella, Mary Poppins style, waving gleefully.

Monokuma

Phuhuhu, hiya again K! Man, I missed you sooooo much after the tourney that I just had to show up for your big day! And get this, this old coot right here paid me to tag along! Ahahahaha!

DJ Professor K

Bear?! You’re workin’ for Rokkaku now?

Monokuma

Upupup, the details are irrelevant to the plot! All that matters is that me and this fart are here to turn your radio into pure despair! That’s right, we’re a full-fledged team now!

Monokuma strikes a pose next to Rokkaku.

Monokuma

Que the stylish team portrait!

Coach

no.

Monokuma

Aw, phooey!

Rokkaku

Enough antics, Monokuma. It’s time for me to take out this pesky audio terrorist once and for all!

An evil smile cracks on Rokkaku’s face as he cocks out and aims a pistol right at the Professor’s forehead.

Rokkaku

Ahahaha! The great K is done for! After you’re kaput, DJ Big Gouji can –

Monokuma

Hey! *Kyaaa!*

Monokuma jumps up and smacks the gun out of Rokkaku’s hand, sending it flying to the ground.

Monokuma

This isn’t what we agreed upon, jackass! Just killing him outright would ruin the fun!

Rokkaku

You’re not the one calling the shots, bear! Shut it!

POW!! Rokkaku whips out a second pistol and fires at Monokuma point blank, sending him flying.

Rokkaku

Damn bear, your job was to lead me here and stay out of my way! Fool… anyway.

Rokkaku reloads.

Rokkaku

Get ready to join the bear, K! Kyahaha!

Suddenly, another Monokuma flies down from the sky and swiftly snatches the gun from Rokkaku’s hand!

Rokkaku

What?! You’re dead! How did you – ?! Grrhhh, Men! Take aim at the bear!!

Rokkaku gestures to his men to fire- but all of them are grounded and disarmed!

Rokkaku

Whose side are you on?! Stop defending this terrorist you damn immortal bear!

Monokuma

Hey hey – cool your jets man. I want him dead as much as you! The only difference is that I have some class. You can’t just pull a gun out on a guy like that and end him like some lame movie villain! Where’s the fun in that? None! Zippo! Nada! Come on, you’re a lawmaker! Catch him with the law! You NEVER break the rules you set! Even if it benefits you!

Rokkaku

Grrnh… fine! I’ll have my police arrest this man for vandalism! Just look at these walls!

DJ Professor K

Vandalism? Where? I own this building, fool, and each one of these beautiful pieces of art were commissioned! I think your law would agree this graffiti here is perfectly A-OK!

Rokkaku

Hmph, fine! Then you’re under arrest for operating an illegal pirate radio!

DJ Professor K

Wrong again my golden friend. I have a radio license and full approval from the FCC of Tokyo-To. Pirate is just a marketing ploy! Kids these days just love those swashbucklers!

Rokkaku

Agh! Men! Get back up and shoot the Professor AND the bear!

Monokuma

Nuh-uh-uh! You aren’t hitting him with anything but the law! If you act outside of your own laws…I’ll make sure it’s the last time you act at all!

Rokkaku

Shut up! I own you, you imbecile! Grrh…

Rokkaku trembles in anger, pointing his gun at K…but then lowers it.

Rokkaku

…to come all this way to not return with my prey. I’ll make sure you pay for your message of rebellion, Professor K! This is not the end!

Rokkaku

Men, roll out. We’ll be back…

Golden Rhinos

Uhhg, my back hurts…

Rokkaku

Quit your yapping and get a move on!

Rokkaku berates his men as they march away before slinking into his limo and being driven off. As the limousine turns it’s revealed the other side was tagged up and down with graffiti.

Beat

Arrg, me matey! Can ye spare a dime? I tagged that ritzy car there for ye when I’d heard eu’d pay fer it!

DJ Professor K

Hah! Gullible idiots. I don’t even know what FCC stands for. Get on inside boy, we got a show to run!

Beat skates on inside. but the Professor doesn’t follow him. Someone didn’t leave with Rokkaku.

DJ Professor K

…You want me dead. Why protect me?

Monokuma

Whaa? Why would little ol’ me ever want my good friend DJ Professor K dead?

DJ Professor K

Don’t lie to me. You hate me spreadin’ the “hope,” as you wanna phrase it, right?

Monokuma

Ohohohohoho… silly K! I don’t want you dead! I want you broken! There’s a pretty important difference between broken and dead y’know. If you’re dead, then I don’t get my despair! And I want nothing more than that wonderful sweet misery for you, a pillar of hope, giving into that wonderful, beautiful despair…

A few more Monokuma walk up next to Monokuma.

Monokuma

I’ll admit, my last plan failed. I tried to get you to hate me. Oh, the upstanding and protagonistic Professor K, hating someone?! Who would have ever thought the loving, hopeful Professor K would ever think such evil thoughts? Oh, how exciting it could have been! The heroic Professor K, gives into his hate and despair! It consumes him until– Kabooey! He presses the button and blows the source of his problem sky high! But no… no no no no no no no….it didn’t quite play out like that, did it?

More Monokuma surround the Professor. Tens of them, on the ground, in some bushes, atop the building behind him…

Monokuma

So then I put my thinking cap on. What else can I do to get this geezer to bust? That’s the million-dollar question- and then it hit me. I never needed you to hate me at all. All I have to do is make your life a living hell! Woo-hoo, I’m a millionaire!

Monokuma

I’m going to engulf you in despair. Your hope will be so utterly crushed that every ounce is going to be pure and utter despair, despair, despair…

Hundreds of Monokuma, anywhere K could look there would be Monokuma, hiding in a shadow or peaking from a corner.

Monokuma

First I’m going to light this big fun war between the rudies and police sky high, until the police win and Jet Set Radio is gone out of business. Then after that, I can break your friends, one after one, introducing each one to the true art of despair… Beat, Gum, Yoyo… Doctor K…

Monokuma

And by the end you’ll either be irreversibly plunged into despair, or driven mad- clinging desperately to your silly hope… it’s a guaranteed win-win situation!

Monokuma

So howsit sound to you? Sound like a plan? Think you could clear your calendar for all of this? Phuhuhu…

K puts his hands in his pockets and smiles.

DJ Professor K

…yeah, that’s fine.

Monokuma

Huhh?

DJ Professor K

Not a problem for me, bear.

Monokuma cocks his head.

Monokuma

Wha- Oh come on! I gave you all my secret maniacal plans, surrounded you in tons and tons of dangerous murder machines, and you can’t even curse me out? You gotta give me SOMETHING to work with here!

DJ Professor K

You still don’t get it, do you? You didn’t change a thing. Rokkaku? Those folks have been on my trail for years now, and hated me for even longer. That’s not gonna change nuthin’.

Monokuma

Hey, he knows your location now!! Next time I won’t stand by to mess with you. He’ll make certain your entire “crib” goes down!

DJ Professor K

You really think it’s that easy to take down the big K? The FUTURE is a blank slate for me. It’s whatever I want it to be. And as long as I push for the future I want, your despair ain’t winnin’, son.

Monokuma

T-that optimism isn’t going to last you for long! Just wait and see, the despair is going to break you! It’ll make you crazy!

DJ Professor K

If you think something that low will drive me crazy, well I got news for ya bear…

Professor K throws out his arms wide, beaming.

DJ Professor K

I’m already crazy, foo’! Hahahahaahhahahahahahaaaaa!

Monokuma

Grrhrhhrhhhhh…!

DJ Professor K

Aw, man…You looked all worked up.

Monokuma

Grrhhhhh…! Grrhrhhhhh…!!

DJ Professor K

Say…wanna come on in with us and jam?

Monokuma

Grrhhhhh…-! wait, whaddya just say?

DJ Professor K

You heard me, bear. Come join us, take a load off and feel the music with everyone. Don’t think all your friends here would fit though…

Monokuma

I.. what?

DJ Professor K

Now now, if you don’t want to, that’s fine. I’m sure you’ll be ok with returning back to that Hope’s Peak place instead of hanging out with an old geezer and his friends.

DJ Professor K

The offer is for now and for now only, yo. Howzit gonna be?

Monokuma

……

The speakers inside resume their duty of blasting the wild beats of Jet Set Radio.