HEY! I KNOW you ain’t asleep! You can sleep any other day, but not during these beats! JET SET RADIOOOOO!
…Ight, mic’s off! Y’all can get back to chatting.
Yoohoo! I love this track, cut it up!
Oh knock it off, hairball. We’ve cut it up for the past 12 tracks! We’re gonna run out of boom AND hearing before the day’s even over!
The beat gets a little more into it, and it clicks in Gum’s head what song is on.
…shiiiieeeet, this track? Never mind, max it the funk out, K!
Ha-ha! You got it G!
Something is hitting the entrance door.
Ey yo Beat, did you fall on yo butt again?
What? I ain’t do nothin’! What you hittin’ on over there, Gum?
Please, if I hit somethin’, it’d be the upside of your head!
This is the Golden Rhinos! Get out here!
Huh? Who’s at the door, yo? Of course someone’d knock while our door guy is takin’ a crap.
Damn, how’d those assassins find my crib? Doc, take over the turntable real quick, I’ll deal with this. Don’t let those funky beats stop for a millisecond.
You got it chief. Fix ‘em up straight out there.
Professor K leaves his post and goes down to open the door. The GGs curiously sneaking behind him. K steps out and is greeted by 4 assassins, a limousine, and… Rokkaku himself?!
You’re dead meat, K!
All four assassins cock their guns and point them at K.
Stand down, men.
Sir yes sir!
They put their guns down.
…Heyy, Rokkaku, my old pal! How’s it been? I haven’t seen your face in the flesh in a hot minute! I would have thought one of your miserable lackey’s wouldda been at the door. Wanna come in? I’m sure I could whip up some tea or somethin- promise it ain’t spiked!
Rokkaku gives the Professor a piercing stare.
…Alright, what do you want, man? Who gave you the drop on this place, anyway? Thought I had my tracks covered!
It’s simple, Professor. I wanted to be the one responsible for the great Professor K being struck down from his throne of rebellion! And as for how… I used a newly acquired… ”asset.”
Monokuma floats down with an open umbrella, Mary Poppins style, waving gleefully.
Phuhuhu, hiya again K! Man, I missed you sooooo much after the tourney that I just had to show up for your big day! And get this, this old coot right here paid me to tag along! Ahahahaha!
Bear?! You’re workin’ for Rokkaku now?
Upupup, the details are irrelevant to the plot! All that matters is that me and this fart are here to turn your radio into pure despair! That’s right, we’re a full-fledged team now!
Monokuma strikes a pose next to Rokkaku.
Que the stylish team portrait!
Enough antics, Monokuma. It’s time for me to take out this pesky audio terrorist once and for all!
An evil smile cracks on Rokkaku’s face as he cocks out and aims a pistol right at the Professor’s forehead.
Ahahaha! The great K is done for! After you’re kaput, DJ Big Gouji can –
Monokuma jumps up and smacks the gun out of Rokkaku’s hand, sending it flying to the ground.
This isn’t what we agreed upon, jackass! Just killing him outright would ruin the fun!
You’re not the one calling the shots, bear! Shut it!
POW!! Rokkaku whips out a second pistol and fires at Monokuma point blank, sending him flying.
Damn bear, your job was to lead me here and stay out of my way! Fool… anyway.
Get ready to join the bear, K! Kyahaha!
Suddenly, another Monokuma flies down from the sky and swiftly snatches the gun from Rokkaku’s hand!
What?! You’re dead! How did you – ?! Grrhhh, Men! Take aim at the bear!!
Rokkaku gestures to his men to fire- but all of them are grounded and disarmed!
Whose side are you on?! Stop defending this terrorist you damn immortal bear!
Hey hey – cool your jets man. I want him dead as much as you! The only difference is that I have some class. You can’t just pull a gun out on a guy like that and end him like some lame movie villain! Where’s the fun in that? None! Zippo! Nada! Come on, you’re a lawmaker! Catch him with the law! You NEVER break the rules you set! Even if it benefits you!
Grrnh… fine! I’ll have my police arrest this man for vandalism! Just look at these walls!
Vandalism? Where? I own this building, fool, and each one of these beautiful pieces of art were commissioned! I think your law would agree this graffiti here is perfectly A-OK!
Hmph, fine! Then you’re under arrest for operating an illegal pirate radio!
Wrong again my golden friend. I have a radio license and full approval from the FCC of Tokyo-To. Pirate is just a marketing ploy! Kids these days just love those swashbucklers!
Agh! Men! Get back up and shoot the Professor AND the bear!
Nuh-uh-uh! You aren’t hitting him with anything but the law! If you act outside of your own laws…I’ll make sure it’s the last time you act at all!
Shut up! I own you, you imbecile! Grrh…
Rokkaku trembles in anger, pointing his gun at K…but then lowers it.
…to come all this way to not return with my prey. I’ll make sure you pay for your message of rebellion, Professor K! This is not the end!
Men, roll out. We’ll be back…
Uhhg, my back hurts…
Quit your yapping and get a move on!
Rokkaku berates his men as they march away before slinking into his limo and being driven off. As the limousine turns it’s revealed the other side was tagged up and down with graffiti.
Arrg, me matey! Can ye spare a dime? I tagged that ritzy car there for ye when I’d heard eu’d pay fer it!
Hah! Gullible idiots. I don’t even know what FCC stands for. Get on inside boy, we got a show to run!
Beat skates on inside. but the Professor doesn’t follow him. Someone didn’t leave with Rokkaku.
…You want me dead. Why protect me?
Whaa? Why would little ol’ me ever want my good friend DJ Professor K dead?
Don’t lie to me. You hate me spreadin’ the “hope,” as you wanna phrase it, right?
Ohohohohoho… silly K! I don’t want you dead! I want you broken! There’s a pretty important difference between broken and dead y’know. If you’re dead, then I don’t get my despair! And I want nothing more than that wonderful sweet misery for you, a pillar of hope, giving into that wonderful, beautiful despair…
A few more Monokuma walk up next to Monokuma.
I’ll admit, my last plan failed. I tried to get you to hate me. Oh, the upstanding and protagonistic Professor K, hating someone?! Who would have ever thought the loving, hopeful Professor K would ever think such evil thoughts? Oh, how exciting it could have been! The heroic Professor K, gives into his hate and despair! It consumes him until– Kabooey! He presses the button and blows the source of his problem sky high! But no… no no no no no no no….it didn’t quite play out like that, did it?
More Monokuma surround the Professor. Tens of them, on the ground, in some bushes, atop the building behind him…
So then I put my thinking cap on. What else can I do to get this geezer to bust? That’s the million-dollar question- and then it hit me. I never needed you to hate me at all. All I have to do is make your life a living hell! Woo-hoo, I’m a millionaire!
I’m going to engulf you in despair. Your hope will be so utterly crushed that every ounce is going to be pure and utter despair, despair, despair…
Hundreds of Monokuma, anywhere K could look there would be Monokuma, hiding in a shadow or peaking from a corner.
First I’m going to light this big fun war between the rudies and police sky high, until the police win and Jet Set Radio is gone out of business. Then after that, I can break your friends, one after one, introducing each one to the true art of despair… Beat, Gum, Yoyo… Doctor K…
And by the end you’ll either be irreversibly plunged into despair, or driven mad- clinging desperately to your silly hope… it’s a guaranteed win-win situation!
So howsit sound to you? Sound like a plan? Think you could clear your calendar for all of this? Phuhuhu…
K puts his hands in his pockets and smiles.
…yeah, that’s fine.
Not a problem for me, bear.
Monokuma cocks his head.
Wha- Oh come on! I gave you all my secret maniacal plans, surrounded you in tons and tons of dangerous murder machines, and you can’t even curse me out? You gotta give me SOMETHING to work with here!
You still don’t get it, do you? You didn’t change a thing. Rokkaku? Those folks have been on my trail for years now, and hated me for even longer. That’s not gonna change nuthin’.
Hey, he knows your location now!! Next time I won’t stand by to mess with you. He’ll make certain your entire “crib” goes down!
You really think it’s that easy to take down the big K? The FUTURE is a blank slate for me. It’s whatever I want it to be. And as long as I push for the future I want, your despair ain’t winnin’, son.
T-that optimism isn’t going to last you for long! Just wait and see, the despair is going to break you! It’ll make you crazy!
If you think something that low will drive me crazy, well I got news for ya bear…
Professor K throws out his arms wide, beaming.
I’m already crazy, foo’! Hahahahaahhahahahahahaaaaa!
Aw, man…You looked all worked up.
Say…wanna come on in with us and jam?
Grrhhhhh…-! wait, whaddya just say?
You heard me, bear. Come join us, take a load off and feel the music with everyone. Don’t think all your friends here would fit though…
Now now, if you don’t want to, that’s fine. I’m sure you’ll be ok with returning back to that Hope’s Peak place instead of hanging out with an old geezer and his friends.
The offer is for now and for now only, yo. Howzit gonna be?
The speakers inside resume their duty of blasting the wild beats of Jet Set Radio.