The Panty Raid



*Somewhere outside the Gaylord, Mr. Krabs tries to find somewhere to sit after a long day.*
Mr. Krabs

*sigh* This whole tournament is wearin’ me out. I think I need to anchor meself for a bit.

*Mr. Krabs takes a seat on a bench next to Quote.*
Mr. Krabs

Evening lad, didn’t see you there.

Quote

Mr. Krabs

…so, how’s this here tournament treatin’ ya?

Quote

Mr. Krabs

Not in a great mood, are ya lad? I heard about ye recent loss, must be hard being entirely out of this here tournament. I just lost me first match as well. Feels pretty lousy. Barnacles, if only there was something I could do to cheer me up a wee bit.

*Eminem swaggers into the scene.*
Eminem

Yo, Greedy-Ass and Robo-Boy, how about you take a look at what I got here! Pretty good score, huh?

*Eminem reaches into his pants and pulls out Curly’s panties.*
Mr. Krabs

What in Davy Jones’s locker?! What have you been up to?

Quote

…! [You recognize the pair of panties you see before you! You must think of a way to grab them without the despicable man noticing.]

Eminem

Well you see, all the pretty girls’ underpants come to me…

Mr. Krabs

…you aren’t talking about a panty raid now, are you?

Eminem

Maybe, what’s it to you old man?

Mr. Krabs

…well, count me in! I think this might be the pick-me-up I’ve been needin’!

Eminem

Why the fuck would I let you join?

Mr. Krabs

Well, I’ve heard you had a taste for Twinkie Weiner Sandwiches, so here’s me proposal. You let me in on this little shenanigan, and I’ll give you an unlimited supply of Twinkie Weiner Krabby Patties from The Krusty Krab!

Eminem

Mr. Krabs

So, what will it be?

Eminem

Damn, fuck you for knowing that. Fine, whatever. You’re in.

Mr. Krabs

Arkarkarkarkarkark! That’s the spirit!

Mr. Krabs

Oh, you want in lad?

Quote

… [You feel that you should follow them to get Curly’s garments, despite their dubious plans.]

Mr. Krabs

Don’t worry about saying anything lad, that face tells me all I need to know! Well boys, this is going to be an interesting night! Arkarkarkarkarkark!

Mr. Krabs

So, where should we start?

Eminem

Hmm, I was thinking about striking one of those squid girls’ rooms. They oughta have some real pretty ones!

Mr. Krabs

Ah, perfect. Well, let’s get going lads!

*Mr. Krabs and Eminem go running straight into the Gaylord, with Quote following reluctantly behind.*
Mr. Krabs

Alright, now we just need to figure out which room is theirs.

Eminem

Yo, look over there!

*Eminem spots Marina checking her phone in front of a room up the hall.*
Marina

Where could Pearl have run off to?

*Marina walks away to the next hallway.*
Mr. Krabs

Ah, nice spotting Shady! C’mon lads, let’s go!

Eminem

Now this will be a score!

*Krabs, Eminem, and Quote stop at the door with the number “27” on it.*
Mr. Krabs

Hmm, we need one of those “key cards” to get inside…

Eminem

No shit dumbass, how about tin can just blast this motherfucker up with his big ass gun?

Quote

Mr. Krabs

And wake up the entire building?! No, I can do this!

*Mr. Krabs sticks his whole claw into the card hole. The light on the card reader turns green and the door unlocks.*
Eminem

Well, what the shit. Guess you’re more practical than I thought.

Mr. Krabs

These are the skills of an expert penny pincher, arkarkarkarkarkark!

Eminem

Yeah, whatever old man, let’s go.

Mr. Krabs

C’mon boyo, we need to move before we get caught!

Quote

*Eminem, Krabs, and Quote enter the room.*
Mr. Krabs

Alright, let’s start hunting for the prize lads!

Eminem

Yeah yeah, keep your goddamn shirt on.

Quote

*Krabs and Eminem start looking through all the drawers while Quote silently watches.*
Eminem

Hell yeah, I found me the jackpot!

Mr. Krabs

Well, what are ye standing around for? Show ‘em to us!

Eminem

Check it out!

*Eminem pulls out a pair of panties out of the drawer.*
Mr. Krabs

Frilly things!

Eminem

Now this is a score!

Quote

… [You fail to understand the enjoyment of this.]

*Suddenly the door to the room opens.*

Oh, hey my door is unlocked- Oh, hey there Marshall old buddy, what’re ya doin’ in my room with these guys? Were you trying to play a prank on me?

Eminem

Your room?

C’mon on man, don’t you know that twenty-seven is my favorite number?

Mr. Krabs

If this is your room, how come one of those squid girls were just walking outside?

Oh, I have no clue really. By the way Marshall, why are you holding my panties there?

Eminem

Your panties?! What the fuck?!

Hey, don’t knock ‘em until you try ‘em, Shady!

Eminem

Quote

So, ya fellas up for some polka later tonight?

Eminem

I’m fucking out.

*Eminem throws the undergarments to the ground and walks towards the door.*
Mr. Krabs

Don’t leave me behind lad.

Quote

… [You have no reason to stay here.]

Well, if you guys ever want to hang out, you know where to fi-

*Quote shuts the door on Al before he can finish.*
Eminem

Well, that was a fucking waste of time.

Mr. Krabs

Can’t argue with ye there, lad. I think we should at least try one other room before we give up. I think there’s another room that’s prime for the pickin’.

Eminem

Oh really? Where, you old prick?

*Krabs points at the next door a few feet away.*
Quote

…? [You feel as if you recognize this room.]

Mr. Krabs

Well, let me just open this one up.

Quote

…! [You suddenly realize whose room this is, and start trying to intervene.]

*Quote grabs Krabs’s arm.*
Mr. Krabs

Hey, what’s the big idea!

Eminem

What the hell are you dumbasses doing? Just open the fucking do-

*The door suddenly opens.*
Curly Brace

Hello? Oh, hey Quote!! Did you just get back from your- oh, you brought a few friends with you?

Quote

Mr. Krabs

Uhhh, evening m’lady.

Eminem

Great job dumbasses, you blew our cover.

Curly Brace

Uhh, Quote is there a reason you brought these two her-

*Curly notices her panties sticking out of Eminem’s pocket.*
Curly Brace

Hey!! I’ve been looking for those everywhere!

Eminem

The hell you talking abo-

*Curly swipes her panties from Eminem’s pocket.*
Curly Brace

Thank you for bringing them back to me!!

Eminem

The hell are you thanking me for? These are just some random ass panties I found on the ground at the studio after my first interview-

Curly Brace

Oh! So that’s where they were at! Wonder how they got there of all places though.

Quote

… [You forgot you left them there…]

Curly Brace

Well, I’d like to chat but it’s kinda late, but thank you for bringing them back!! Let’s get some shut eye Quote!

Quote

*Quote enters the room with Curly, who then closes the door.*
Mr. Krabs

So yer telling me you just found those in the studio?!

Eminem

Okay, yeah, sure, maybe I stretched the truth a little, so fucking what?

Mr. Krabs

Why, you no good 🐬🐬🐬🐬🐬🐬🐬

Eminem

The fuck you just say?

Mr. Krabs

🐬🐬🐬🐬🐬🐬

Eminem

No seriously, the fuck did you say?

Plankton

What’s going on out here I’m trying to sleep- KRABS!

Mr. Krabs

PLANKTON!

Eminem

Who?

Mr. Krabs

Arg, forget it! I’m going to my room.

Eminem

Oh yeah? Fuck you too, old man.

Eminem

Eminem

Where did everybody go?

Plankton

I’m still here!

Eminem

Oh fuck this, I’m out of here. It’s taco time.

Plankton

Wait! No no no no no watch out I’m – AAAAAAA!

*squish*