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What is KFAD?*Meanwhile, in the kitchen.*
WRRRRRRRRRRR
WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRight! That’s the way!
YOU SHOWED ME THE WAY.
*clank clank clank clank clank clank*
*CLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANK*
Ha ha ha… blimey, I never thought it’d be this fun havin’ a mate to make the meals with. You’re a bloody goofball, you know?
YEAH… THIS IS A LOT MORE FUN THAN I WAS EXPECTING.
Anyway, we gotta get back on track. We gotta start workin’ on that request.
OH RIGHT. UM… HOW EXACTLY ARE WE GOING TO MAKE “JALAPEÑO-FLAVORED TWINKIE WIENER SANDWICHES”?
Ah, it’ll be a tricky one, but it’s not a problem for us professionals. I’ll show ya how step by step, don’tcha worry. So first, grab some wiener sauce and mix it with some whipped-
HOBaRT, we just ran out of milk and the cats are getting antsy, do you think you could-
…!!!
…Um, I assume one of you is MissingNo.? Hi!
Don’t worry miss, we can get some milk for ya right away! Mate, could ya-
…erm, what’s goin’ onn-n-ana-n-a-nan-ana –
Ahhh!! MissingNo.!?!?!
HOBaRT!! Are you okay?!?!
Wrrrrrrrrr…
I’m so sorry, this must be my fault! I’m going to go find it, hang on tight.
*There’s a group surrounding the snack table, mid-conversation.*
…and with upgrading Orbulon’s ship with the parts of that robot Wario gave me, the last thing on my mind was submitting it for the Kleiner certificate of approval again but I think it’s really worth a shot!
Simply marvellous, I would love to work on a project with you after my next expedition. I’m off to a place known as the “Ancient Waterworks”, it’s known for its wonderful plant life and I want to study it for myself.
Still got it in ya to travel? Good on you old timer. What about you, Shakey? Enjoying yourself?
I must say, in all my 103 years on this earth I’ve never been to a party as unique at this one! Well, maybe a few of Jimmy T’s could count, but this is extraordinary!
It was kind of those two to invite us here but it’s the least they could do for us after lying to us. Speaking of which, where are they? Have you seen them Count?
*Hic* They ain’t at the bottom of this bloody *hic* punchbowl, that’s for sure! Wahaha! *hic*
ŞØΜ€ØŇ€ ƤŁ€ΔŞ€ ŞŦØƤ ŦĦ€ ƤỮŘƤŁ€ ØŇ€ ₣ŘØΜ ĐŘƗŇҜƗŇǤ, Ħ€ ŦΔŇҜ€Đ ŦĦΔŦ ĐØŴŇ ƗŇ 2 ΜƗŇỮŦ€Ş.
*Hic* Oh, hush yourself you overpriced faux! I’m allowed to *hic* enjoy myself after what those so called “business men” *hic* put me through, THEY DRIVE ME TO DRINK *hic*. Oh look, there’s the precociously execrable ninnies now! *hic*
HAT, SCARFS, BADGES AND FLAGS!
GET OUR 110% LEGITIMATE KFAD MERCHANDISE TODAY! BUY 6 ITEMS, GET A 7TH ONE FOR SEVEN TIMES THE PRICE OF ONE! IT’S A TOTAL STEAL OF A DEAL!
I say you two are making more of a ruckus than SpongeBoy me Bob did with his pretty patties, apart from people were actually buying his stuff! Arkarkarkarkarkark!
Ey bub, either get to buying or get to walkin’!
Yeah, you Krusty Clown! Our inventory has been selling better than our microgames, we’re making the quickest buck you’ve ever seen! Weheheheheheh!
So yer telling me you’re actually making a profit? Well I’m all ears boys! Tell me yer secret!
Wahahaha, nice try penny pincher! Only investors get to know our business!
Oh you’re actually a legitimate company? Well, colour me surprised! What’s yer name?
WE’RE WARIO PARTNERS, LLP, WE PUT THE BAD IN “BAD FOR BUSINESS”!
An LLP? That’s more legitimate than the Chum Bucket! You supply me with the merchandise and I’ll make a KFAD Patty meal at me beloved restaurant!
Wah ha! What we just did there Waluigi? That was some real grade-A business!
Weheheheh! We’ll be in the big bucks again in no time at all!
Are you 3 gentlemen talking about investments? My corporate associates would love to invest more to the little man’s work.
Huh, who said that?
Look up boyo!
It’s that rust bucket we beat, what do you want loser? Only winners get to be associated with us!
Didn’t you guys lose the tournament?
SHADDUP! Start talking money or we’re gonna take more of your parts.
You can take as much as you want, I run on Viacom money, they can rebuild anytime with ease! And you can run on their cash too, even if you are quite the unpleasant pair! We’ve been busy making our own Viacom King for Another Day Internet Package™️ and what would sell it even more than some genuine goods from you two! You can trust us, Viacom is just as legitimate as you. Deal?
WE’LL TAKE IT!
Great news! I’ll send an underling to send you the papers. An absolute pleasure doing business with you.
OH THIS IS MY SONG! I’ll talk to you later, I gotta dance!
What a weird robot, you think Mike would go along with him?
Pfft, nah. Mike actually has a taste in music! WAHAHAHAHAHA!
WEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!
Have you punks been selling bootleg stock of MY event? Even after I let you two trouble makers back in?!?
Er- You know, the- One thing I should… -Excuse us for one second?
Absolutely not! I demand an answer now!
BOOK IT WARIO!
I’LL MAKE SURE YOU TWO PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID, BOTH FIGURATIVELY AND LITERALLY!
Nyah nyah nah nah nah! WAHAHAHAHA!
*Jack, Elmo, and the Jack Bros. are sitting together.*
What are you guys up to now that this is all winding down?
The usual, we’re gonna go back to getting into mischief and having fun! All of the other hee-mons will be so proud of us once we get back, ho! I joined this tournament to get stronger and more awesome, but mayb-hee I’m fine just the way I am!
Me think that this is the case, snowman friend.
Right! So, what are you guys gonna do now, hee-ho?
Ah, we’re very busy, you see. We’re always teaching people about this fantastic shape of ours and we don’t plan on stopping anytime soon! Other than that, I apologized to Kyle. It was stupid of me to act like that towards him… but we’re all good now.
And Elmo is going to keep helping Mr. Jack, of course! Elmo loves to teach everyone about new and exciting things, hahahaha!
We got enough stuff on our plate as you can hear. I’m gonna keep on rocking, you can’t kill the metal!
Actually, me think you are wrong. Me actually ate m-
I don’t think this is the time, budd-hee-ho.
Hahahaha! Mr. Moth is so funny! Elmo tells him he can visit Sesame Street any time he wants!
Little demon and human can come visit me home too!
Uh… Yeah… No… I-I don’t think that’s a good idea.
But all the hee-mons love your music, ho! And we’re hee-homies now! You’re an honorary member of the Jack Bros., ho! From this moment on, you’ll be known as… Jack Fr… No, wait. Black Fro… Hmm… W-we’ll think of a name later.
I think that we have one thing left to settle… Our previous dance battle ended in a tie! So let’s end this here and now!
Hee-hoooo!
Do not forget what me teach you, little demon!
Of course not!
Are you really having a dance off without us, gringos?
[IT IS POINTLESS. WE ARE UNSTOPPABLE NOW.]
Goddamn Howard, you’re on fire!
[THEY HAVE NO CHANCE.]
yeah
Hee-ho! Not Fair!
Aw man! This is embarrassing for all of us!
Hello buddy, I’ll take one glass of punch – spiked.
WHRRRRRRRR
Thank you very much!
Oops! Well, at least it’s red… although its more scarlet than red now that I look at it…
that’s it, i’ve had enough. lay off the booze for once you drunk. maybe have some tea for a change, then you won’t be spilling stuff all over the place.
Oh, you talk. Sorry about that!
what? you’re not more surprised about a talking doll?
Trust me, you’re not the first one I’ve run into! *laughs*
ok fair, but I gotta ask: why do you keep saying *laughs* like that?
*The dance battle between the Jacks and the Aliens begins to wind down, when suddenly Jack Frost catches a glimpse of a familiar face…*
Hey budd-hee, is that who i think it is over there, ho?
Hee-ho… It’s those Phantom Thieves! You’re at the party!
Oh hey! Yeah, sorry I’ve sorta been chilling away from the crowd here, all the noise and lights got to be a bit too much for me. Hey, Hatter! It’s those two shadows I was telling you about! Say hi, Hatter.
Hello!
It’s good to see you guys! Last time we talked was when we worked out that deal, right?
Yeah! You made my friend hee-re really happy, ho!
But metal man take shiny coin away…
Did he? Hmmm… Well lucky for you be-
Hee-hey! Speaking of our deal, how did it work out, ho? Was it enough to get into that palace?
Oh, well you see, the thing about that is-
Nope!
W-we’ve been shifting gears somewhat! As of recent, the Phantom Thieves have been pursuing Thanos, the Mad Titan! I’m sure that we will be able to bring him down! …Eventually!
You kinda suck at b-hee-ing a Phantom Thief, ho? At least you managed to get a new team member.
:D
I guess that’s true. I just wish… nah nevermind, it doesn’t matter.
>:(
Alright, alright, I’ll talk, cut it out! It’s just, I kinda wish I could’ve been able to do some real music here, instead of just running around with this whole Phantom Thief gig. Not that I don’t enjoy the work I do with my persona, but it would’ve been fun to participate in the tournament for real, you know? Too late for that though, I guess.
Hmmmm… Hee-how did you get that persona anyways?
Well… A while ago, I got a letter in the mail from some guys named Nutshackwoodman34 and Jerome. It said I had been invited to the King For Another Day Tournament! I was pretty stoked for it, it was a chance to really show off my music chops! Once I got there, I felt mesmirized by the all-star cast they had lined up! But… as I’m sure everyone knows by now, it turned out the letter wasn’t real. Me and Hatter over here got duped! Us and lots of other guys got our hopes up, only to find out that we only made it into a joke direct. The whole thing just felt so… unfair. Next thing I knew, there was this mask on my face. I ripped it off…
And out I came!
I still get bummed about the whole thing from time to time… but if I’m honest, I don’t think it’s too bad. I met you guys, and Hatter and I have been doing good work. I’ve even gotten some offers from other beta direct guys wanting to join in on the team! Though I don’t know how useful a guy named Underbeef Sans would be… In any case, even if I couldn’t compete in this ultimate showdown, I can always make my own tunes and videos like always! So it’s all good. Now, I have something to show you guys… This is something that I did manage to nab…
SHINY COIN! ME TAKE!
AAAAAAAHH!
:O
*shivers* I still remember that place. Darkness surrounding meh, the void with all the stars… I thought good ol’ meh was done for!
But how can you be here to tell me this tale, then?
Well, uh… I sensed a violent wind all over again, and I woke up in the grass near mah castle. But I never found mah doll back.
Kirby surely spit it out because he sensed he couldn’t take your ability.
Well of course! Ain’t no person takin’ any ability from the great King Dedede! HEH HEH HEH!
The only thing sad about this story is that since we never found the doll, we never had our money ba-
OW!
Don’t ruin the moment, Escargoon! Let my guest enjoy my courage as all hope seemed lost for meh!
Courage? I’m sure you- nevermind.
Muhahaha! I must admit, I like you, penguin. Allow me to apologise for my burst in the conference room. We are both alike, you and I: we have squatty little pests constantly humiliating us, we have fiendishly brilliant plans which always seem to fail at the last second for unfair reasons, and we even have our own underlings we can latch ourselves at when they are acting like stooge-bots! (I think my husband might still have a grudge against you though…)
It’s quite brave of you to say that in front of my face, big guy. But the plans of my liege are not so much his own ones as the ones of our contrac-
Why?
A true villain never reveals his secrets, Escargoon!
Wait, isn’t that the whole point of an evil speech?
You are actually right! I find a particular enjoyment exposing my ulterior motives when I am very close to defeating that deceitful hedgehog. It’s like caviar for the most genial of villains! But it comes with the risk of your mortal enemy using your words and your plans against you.
Uhhh, you’re makin’ meh reminisce about many things that happened with that there Kirby…
Kirby? Wait, is Kirby here now?! Where where where?!!
WHAT? WHERE’S THAT THERE KIRBY?
Whoa, hold on, Mr. King Dedede! It’s just me!
Wait, ya know me? Who are you?
I’m K.O.! I was on my way to get some punch when I heard you guys mention Kirby, so I was wondering if he was here! I love him so much!
Ya DARIN’ to say that to ME?
Please, Your Majesty, hold yourself back! He’s just a kid!
If you want an answer to your idiotic question, there aren’t any little pests like Sonic or that pink menace in this hotel.
Hey! Sonic isn’t a menace- he’s a super cool and fast hero! If Sonic, Tails and I could beat Boxman, I’m sure we could take on another fat guy like you, Robotnik!
I’m surprised you know about me, little twerp! But why are you mentioning me being fat? Everything is perfect about my physique!
If you ask me, no one is better-looking in this tournament than Johnny Bravo!
That big doofus?
He thinks he’s hot stuff, but he can consider himself lucky he didn’t have a fight against me!
Sire, I wouldn’t be so sure if you couldn’t even win against the sk-
OW!
HEY!
MUHAHAHAHA! Do it again! I enjoy this kind of entertainment!
How could you ask this? You’re so evil!
Well, that’s what is written in my resume! I even put my evil laugh certificate on it! WAHAHAHAHA!
The more you open your mouth, the more I like ya! HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!
Hey, stop that! Escargoon doesn’t deserve to be hit that much!
Indeed he doesn’t!
Huh?
WOW! Diddy Kong! Donkey Kong! I must be dreaming!
In the flesh, little buddy! We came here because we heard my partner Dedede was being mean again!
Hey, big penguin guy, that’s no way to handle a sidekick! Do you see DK punching me like that?
He may be my sidekick, but he owes me loyalty! I have the right to correct him if he does mistakes!
Hey, didn’ ya tell me back when we got out of that Nintendo conference that snail was your friend too?
If you ask me, this is the perfect way to handle friends! Or at least, the perfect one for evil leaders like us!
Not even that pirate King K. Rool beats his Kremlings up like Dedede beats up that poor guy!
Don’t talk about pirates to me, monkey wrench! You’re reminding me of that blasted crustacean who sent me with the losers all the way back!
My point is, Dededude, you gotta slow down, not lash down! You better not continue, you know you don’t want my Banana Slamma in your face!
Mr. Donkey Kong, I appreciate your concern, but I have been whacked by my liege so many times that-
-th-th-that I don’t even feel it anymore! That’s what I was going to say, Your Majesty!
Is that so, Escargoon?
That means you can handle one more whacking then, can’t you? I won’t mind it, that reminds me of my brainless boltheads back in Mobius!
I don’t care about you not feeling anything, snail guy! The penguin should not whack you!
Yeah! That’s not what sidekicks are for! Sidekicks are there to help their friends- as a team!
Yo, if you’re not convinced, how ‘bout this. This is literally our last day here, the last time we’re all gonna be together. This is the last chance you’ll have to talk to all of us here! Why don’t ya have a good time now? You’ll have all the time in the world to whack the snail back in your home planet!
Yeah, DK, I’m still not-
(Don’t worry, little buddy. Like that, he’ll stop hitting the snail.)
You have a good point, simian! Escargoon, I’ll give you a few hours of respite! You can use this time to be ready to be whacked again later!
Thank you, my liege! I’ll be sure to use that time well!
Oh, how disappointing. Oh well, at least I can still talk to you about my wonderful machines!
Sure! Let’s see how they compare to those monstahs I come up with!
Hey, bartender! Give me a full glass of prrrrrune juice! With an egg in it!
I fancy meh some apple juice if you have some!
Wow, that was so cool! You did such a great job convincing him!
Thanks dude! The Kremlings tried to convince me so many times I was on their side, so I took some notes to convince people better!
And DK is the best for making people feel cool! On Kongo Bongo Island, we do nothing but singing and relaxing, we’re used to feeling cool!
Oh yeah, I remember! You had very cool songs! Gotta bring it back!
Gotta get it back!
Take it back!
Wow, you know all our songs, little buddy?
Well, I don’t know all of them… but maybe you can learn one or two to me? Please?
Well, since we just talked to a guy loving robots… Is there something you should tell me big buddyyyyy?
I’m a metal head a metal head a metal head a me-
Hey, sorry to interrupt, but I’m not sure these are the right lyrics, DK!
Huh? But-
Wait a second.
Did you find MissingNo.?
We can’t find it anywhere…
Have we checked everywhere?
I’ve looked all around the hotel…
I already checked the kitchen.
I deduced that he would be at the pier, but it was pretty dark, I may have missed it…
hai guys wazzup
Oh! Hey Hypercam, have you seen MissingNo?
its not with hobart?
Unfortunately no.
I went in the kitchen to ask for something and it ran off…
u checkd the peir right
Yes, it wasn’t there.
did u check in teh pier
…what?
dood missingno like, lives underwtaer. thats its #1 hidng place. y did u think it lieks the pier so much.
(That makes a lot of sense now that I think about it…)
k so who wants to go swiming
Swimming?!
swimming 4 the missingn missingno
I volunteer. Let’s go.
Hold it! Aren’t you made of wood? Being submerged in water can’t be good for you!
You forget that I am not of your world, Mr. Wright. Swimming is not an issue for me.
Alright, then let’s go!
HOLD ON, THAT WON’T BE NECESSARY.
HOBaRT! Has the situation changed?
YES. UH… MISSINGNO. HAS RETURNED TO THE KITCH’. EVERYTHING BE FINE MATEYS.
Hold on a moment. HOBaRT, how did you get all the way here from the kitchen?
UM… I THOUGHT YOU FELLAS KNEW? OI AM QUITE CAPABLE OF GETTN’ ME SELF ‘ROUND THESE HERE PARTS… UH… CUNT.
HOBaRT! I know you are a little loose with how you use language, but that was over the line!
Agreed! You should be more careful with how you address women!
…mmmph – hahahahahahahaha!
lolololololololololooolololollolololol omg this is 2 much
…UM… WHAT BE SO FUNNY MATES?
Yes, I fail to find what’s so funny about this.
MissingNo., your HOBaRT impression is TERRIBLE!
u sound lik a pirate lmao
…I SOUND LIKE A PIRATE?
Yes! That’s exactly what you sound like!
Oh, I understand what’s happening. Well, it seems we won’t need to go to the pier then.
(Wait a minute…how does HOBaRT sounding like a pirate result in us not needing to go to the pier? That doesn’t make any sense…)
lmao that was gud. now drop teh act, we no its u
MAYBE I SHOULDN’T… IF I’M SO ENTERTAINING TO YOU AS HOBART, THEN…
Don’t be silly! I’m sorry if we hurt your feelings when we laughed at you.
It was alll with gud intentions buddy
Yeah, we’re all friends here. There’s no reason to hide!
…I HAVE MANY REASONS TO HIDE…
no u dont
Agreed. You should not be ashamed of who you are.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are, HOBaRT! Being a mixer is nothing to be ashamed of!
… (Whoops, I think I might have gotten something wrong…)
I HURT PEOPLE. I’VE HURT ALL OF YOU. ESPECIALLY YOU, GENO… WHY WERE YOU EVEN LOOKING FOR ME?
Hm? Oh, yes. You did use my body without my permission. But please do not concern yourself. You have nothing to apologize for. When I heard from Mariya that you were missing I joined the search party immediately. A friend of a friend is also my friend, and you are among many friends here. There is no bad blood between us. Besides, you did not hurt me at all.
NO. I DON’T DESERVE TO BE AROUND OTHERS. SO MUCH OF THIS TOURNAMENT WAS BROKEN BECAUSE OF ME. THE DOUBLE UPLOADS. THE DELAYED RESULTS. THE UNINTENDED ANNOUNCEMENTS. THE ISSUES IN THE POLLS. I’VE ALREADY HURT SO MANY PEOPLE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. THAT JANITOR EVEN DISCOVERED HOW TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME. I DON’T KNOW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF MORE PEOPLE FOUND OUT HOW TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY BROKENNESS…
Was any of that actually your fault? You’re one of the nicest people I know, MissingNo. You wouldn’t hurt a fly!
ooo pretty
(Don’t be scared, Phoenix, you’ve seen worse!…)
Not only are you nice, you look really bad-ass when you get scary!
…I look… bad-ass?
Yes! You have so much to be proud of, MissingNo.! I’m such in awe of your music… It’s unlike anything I’ve ever heard! Our battle was one of my most exciting experiences here at the tournament! There was so much to it that I can’t even begin to describe. I felt like I was on another world! If there’s anything I’m regretting now that the tournament is over is that we never got to have a collaboration. So yes, I think “bad-ass” is a very accurate description of you at your “worst”, MissingNo.!
Agreed. That was particularly bad-ass, if I may say so myself.
yea pretty sure u bein badass is common knowlege
…I could have done a lot better… during our match…
What do you mean? You were amazing!
But I lost…
come on, I alraedy told u that stuff dosnt matter. Besides, thers no reason 2 b sad about that, ur gettn a prize anyway cuz u came in 4th
Didn’t you see what prize you were getting when you traveled into the future? That’s something you can be excited about!
…The future I saw isn’t necessarily going to happen anymore. The fact that I told you and accidentally announced it probably caused the present to change dramatically… so I’m as in the dark as you are now…
Well regardless, you do have something to be excited for then, yes?
OH MY GOD!!! IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS!?!
YOU THERE, WITH THE BONES!! I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR YOU FOR SUCH A LONG TIME!!!
Um…sorry? I think you might have made a mistake…
I DO NOT BELIEVE I’VE MADE A MISTAKE, AS I VERY RARELY MAKE THEM!! I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR THE AMAZING PASTA!! IT WAS SO GREAT, IT WARMED MY SOUL COMPLETELY!!!
Oh, the creepy pasta? That wasn’t anything special…
OH, THAT’S WHAT IT WAS CALLED?? EITHER WAY, I REALLY LIKED IT! FOR THAT, I OFFER MY HAND TO YOU IN FRIENDSHIP!
Um… sorry… I’m not someone who’s capable of having friends…
**GASP**!
DID… YOU JUST SAY YOU’RE INCAPABLE OF HAVING FRIENDS?
…yes?
TAKE THAT! THAT IS COMPLETELY WRONG!! I HAVE HAD A STAGNANT LOW FRIEND QUALITY FOR A LONG TIME, BUT HERE I AM NOW, WITH PLENTY OF PALS! NOT TO MENTION, YOUR PASTA-CREATING SKILLS ALMOST OUTMATCH MYSELF! YOU CAN’T JUST CONTRADICT AND PUT YOURSELF DOWN LIKE THAT!
Hey! Don’t steal my line! And – that’s not even a proper contradiction!
ALLOW ME TO PROVE YOU WRONG! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL HAVE THE HONOR OF BEING YOUR FIRST FRIEND!!
Take That! Alright, buddy, let me show you how it’s done properly. *Ahem*…All of us here are already friends with MissingNo.! Therefore…
…it is impossible for you to be MissingNo.’s “first” friend!
OH, WHOOPSIE DOOPSIE! I HADN’T REALIZED YOU ALL WERE FRIENDS WITH IT, TOO!! FROM THE SOUNDS OF IT HOWEVER, IT SEEMS TO HAVE A VERY SUPPORTIVE FRIEND GROUP.
You speak the truth, Papyrus. We are all your friends here, MissingNo. And as friends, it is our duty that we look out for each other.
There are lots more people here who are itching to meet you, MissingNo. Why don’t you come out with us to the party instead of staying in the kitchen? This is a wonderful opportunity to make even more friends!
yea come on. come wow them wit ur badassness
I-I-I-I… d-don’t know what it m-means… t-t-to have… f-f-friends…
That’s okay. We can help you learn.
…t-t-thank you… thank… y-y-you…
Come on. They’re all waiting for you.