The Party – Part 1


*On top of the roof at the Gaylord Hotel which has been decked out with a dancefloor, bar, and multiple places to lounge. Almost all of the contestants and a few guests are standing in front of an empty stage.*
Adam Levine

So, the hell are we standing around here for again?

Geno

Meowth requested all of us to be here Mr. Levine, don’t you remember?

Adam Levine

Oh yeah… well, the cat better hurry the hell up. I’m freezing up here.

Pharrell Williams

Hey, don’t worry Adam. I bet that cat’s getting everything in order, he’ll be out soon!

Pitbull

Excuse me, Mr. Williams… Is it just me, or do your team members appear to be missing?

Pharrell Williams

Oh yeah, they seem to have vanished… where did they go?

*Before anyone can say anything else, Meowth and HyperCam appear on stage.*
Meowth

Hey, everyone! Sorry about the wait – we had to get things prepared!

Unregistered HyperCam 2

yea u forgot 2 write a gud speech lol

Meowth

(Hey SHHHH!!!) So, I first wanted to thank all of you for being part of this tournament! It not only has been exciting for our viewers but also uhh…

Mr. Krabs

So when do we get the free food?

Meowth

Hey keep your claws on, I’m not finished yet!

*DJ Professor K comes out on the stage.*
DJ Professor K

Yo Meowth, I got this. Hand me the mic.

Meowth

Oh uh, sure Professor!

*Meowth hands over the mic.*
DJ Professor K

Alright, listen up suckers! This is DJ Professor K, Baby! The master of mayhem, you know what I’m sayin’? Bringing you another undergro- uh, live rooftop broadcast of some true original finger lickin’ good Jet Set Radio!! Hold on to your butts, cause… um…

*The Professor looks over the crowd, listening with excitement. He lowers his head and relaxes a little.*
DJ Professor K

…aw shucks, this ain’t that kind of show, is it? My bad, folks, it’s hard for this old geezer to get out of his old ways, you know how it is. I’ve run that damn radio for so long now I don’t know any other way to start a program…

*The crowd laughs along with the Professor.*
DJ Professor K

Alright! Now that that embarrassing little stunt is out of the way, let me actually do a real speech here, impromptu style. Guess it wouldn’t feel right, if yo’ king didn’t have something to say at this big ol’ party this cat’s got planned for us.

*There’s a silence.*
DJ Professor K

…y’know I… none of y’all might believe this, but I kinda feel silly being up here with the honor of being your winner of this whole thing. I’m sure some of you know I didn’t come out too hot last time. Not a whole lotta people knew about me back then. I won’t lie, losing kinda bummed me out for a while. Took some of my edge off. So then, well, let’s just say that this time around, my expectations were kind of set, y’know? I was just coming for the ride. Everybody else came back, no reason why I shouldn’t. But then something stupid happened – I won the first round, and then again, and again… and again… and imma be honest with y’all, it didn’t sit all that well with me at first. I was like, “Damn! Did that MissingNo. fella’ mess with the polls? How come I’m not losing this like I’m supposed to?” Thought they were gonna come out any minute and tell us all that there was some big mistake, I was certain of it. But nope. It was all real. Folks out here really do see something in this ol’ pile of bones here…

Marina

Woooo! We love you Professor!

Beat

Yeah, kick some ass!

DJ Professor K

Oh geez, shut up, I’m talkin’ here! Heheheh… oh, what am I moanin’ and cryin’ about? We have a show to put on! Ok, time to cut the crap and get to the point – after hearing all of y’all put out banger after banger after banger after banger from each and every one of you guys, I’m convinced that any one of you are just as worthy as me to be the temporary owner of that crown. So just to prove that case in point, I’ll have some very special guests up here tonight to help me keep it real nice and fresh. In fact, the first ones are right behind me on this stage! They’re gonna make it Harder! Better! Faster! Stronger! Give it up… foooooor Daft Punk!

*The crowd cheers as Thomas and Guy-Man appear on stage.*
DJ Professor K

Ain’t nothing like some robot rock, baby! Are you ready to get funky?! Hit it!

*As the three DJs play “Ain’t Nothing Like a Flat Beat”, the party starts!*
*Phoenix catches his breath. After an eventful trial, him, Maya, and Monokuma had rushed to the party they were invited to- making it just in time! After the first song, DJ Professor K leaves the decks to Daft Punk. He meets the trio.*
Maya Fey

Wow, Professor! That was quite the speech!

DJ Professor K

Thanks, little missy! I must say, Phoenix, that was quite the performance out there today.

Phoenix Wright

Thank you, Professor. It was a bit too close for me at the end, but that’s sort of par for the course at this point.

Monokuma

Oh, I could bear-ly stand it! The tension, the drama, the deadly attacks from the opposition! Almost brings a tear to my eye now that it’s over, but it’s all worth it for truth, justice, and the pursuit of sappiness!

Phoenix Wright

(If only the “deadly attacks from the opposition” part was a joke. Never thought I’d wish I hadn’t been wrong about Edgeworth being on a case…)

DJ Professor K

Might I recommend a career change, Wright? You’re good at what you do, don’t get me wrong, but that level of stress will make your hair look just like mine! Ah ha!

Phoenix Wright

Sorry, but I’ve found my calling. (He’s only joking about the hair…right?)

DJ Professor K

Hey, fair enough! Rock it on, Wright!

Monokuma

What’s the matter, Mr. K? Nothing nice to say about moi~?

Monokuma

Aww, I’ve been bad, haven’t I? Oh wait, not really! Who was it who helped prove our little medium innocent? Who was it kept nudging the hammer of justice to whack the mole of despair? Was it you, old geezer? Nope! It was me! Nyahahaha!

*Phoenix and K both give a look of disgust to Monokuma, while Maya appears to be lost in thought.*
Maya Fey

He’s right, you know. If it wasn’t for Monokuma’s help, I think I would have died anyways. Thank you, Monokuma!

Monokuma

Huh?!?

Maya Fey

You’re just a lot of talk, you know? Even if half of you is colored black, you’ve still got more white on you! If you count your belly, I mean. Heck, I bet Pearly would think you’re plenty cute!

Monokuma

Bah! Leave me alone; I’m sick and tired of you schmucks, anyways! I’m going to take some well-deserved me time!

*Monokuma disappears into the crowd.*
Maya Fey

Is it really safe to let him be on his own?

Phoenix Wright

Eh, he won’t do anything too terrible. Not on his own, anyways. (Besides, if these past few days taught me anything, it’s that he’s impossible to get rid of…)

DJ Professor K

Y’know Wright, I commend you for putting up with the little devil. The fool tries to drive me mad every chance he gets- kinda wanted to punt ‘em but I knew better, heh.

Phoenix Wright

I learned to put up with him after enough time. After all, working with witnesses is all in the job.

Maya Fey

I think you two made a great team once you got going. For a moment it felt like no one could stop Law & Disorder!

*Maya gestures toward the Professor and the three share a chuckle.*
Maya Fey

Hey, Nick?

Phoenix Wright

Hm? What is it?

Maya Fey

Do you think HOBaRT can make burgers? I’m hungry after the walk here…

DJ Professor K

Why don’t ya go ask him? If memory serves, he and that buggy fella are preparing more food in the kitchen now.

Maya Fey

Alright, it’s settled! I’ll see you two later, mmkay?

Phoenix Wright

(For once Maya’s appetite isn’t coming out of my wallet…)


*Geno is sitting at the rooftop bar, lost in his thoughts. He hears a familiar voice.*
Bill Trinen

Hey, Geno!

Geno

Oh, good evening, Mr. Trinen! The stars look pretty tonight, don’t they?

Bill Trinen

As usual for you, I’m sure! They’re in good hands with you protecting them, after all.

*Bill sits down next to Geno.*
Geno

It’s true. Even with this tournament, my goal hasn’t changed. Star Road needs a warrior to defend it. At least I think I’ll do a better job at that than I did here.

Bill Trinen

What do you mean?

Geno

Well, Mr. Trinen, my performance in this tournament was as abysmal as the darkest points in space once again, wasn’t it?

Bill Trinen

You’re too hard on yourself. You held your ground a bit more this time, didn’t you? And I’ll be honest, I felt a bit sad when I saw you drop out once more. You didn’t deserve it, Geno. I don’t want you to be seen as the weakest Nintendo character, because it’s not true.

Geno

Thank you, Mr. Trinen. Your performance was admirable as well. I felt the same way as you when I saw two characters from Sega defeating you and Mr. Fils-Aimé.

Bill Trinen

Happily, Sega and Nintendo are on good terms now… despite what some might say about it.

*Geno smiles. A silence.*
Bill Trinen

You know, I am a bit puzzled by something, Geno.

Geno

What is it?

Bill Trinen

We met several times during this tournament, and I was expecting you to bring up one particular subject any second. But you didn’t.

Geno

If you are talking about Super Smash Brothers, I am very aware you need a high level to enter in it. I leveled up quite a lot since the last tournament, but I know I am not quite iconic enough to deserve an invitation.

Bill Trinen

If that can reassure you, players can now download a DLC featuring Piranha Plant.

Geno

It is still an iconic enemy, despite what some of my most dedicated fans might say. I am happy it got the chance it deserves. Even here, I can think of a few people who deserve the invitation.

Geno

I remember a conversation I had with Hakuko and Don-chan about that dreaded attack from that evil Galeem. Hakuko was horrified when she saw her friends from the kingdom of rhythm being subdued by those powerful forces. She asked me very nicely if I was suffering when Galeem took control of my spirit. I think either her or one of her rhythm friends would be a prime candidate for an invitation. And Don-chan… well, he’s already fighting, in a way.

Bill Trinen

Geno… You haven’t changed at all since Smithy took control of the castle, have you? Always so kind, so obliging, to the point of inviting dozens of guests for your opponent when you had to fight him. There’s a part of your character I always admired, not only as a marketing director, but also as a Nintendo fan.

Geno

You took that from Mr. Fils-Aimé, didn’t you?

Bill Trinen

Hahaha, in a way! But as I’m sure you know, it is not up to me to decide if you should take part in the fight or not. That’s on Sakurai-san.

Geno

Well, Mr. Sakurai already put me in Super Smash Brothers, did he not? First as a costume, then as a spirit… I am satisfied with this. The only thing bothering me is that they chose Sheik to represent me. I didn’t have any occasion to use my blaster…

Bill Trinen

Well, Geno, you know I can speak Japanese. So the next time I meet Sakurai-san, I’ll drop one word or two about you. Forgive me for the terrible pun, but knock on some wood. You never know, sometimes, miracles do happen.

Geno

That is very kind of you, Bill.

Bill Trinen

Oh? No more Mr. Trinen then, Geno?

Geno

A hero’s heart is slow to open. But when it does, it shines with the light of the brightest star.


Thanos

Thank you once again Doctor for your vigorous Flintstones supplements. The daily doses have been serving me well and have kept my body feeling youthful at this stage of my life.

Dr. Piccolo

Yeah, no problem, hope you have enough to pay the medical bill. A dose a day keeps me away, am I right? Of course I am, I have a degree. Now if you excuse me, I have more important business to attend to.

Thanos

Oh, while I have you here, I’d like to make a proposition. Would you consider a position as the medical advisor of the Children of Thanos?

Dr. Piccolo

…You have children? Where the hell did you get them? Also fuck you. I have no time to be playing with children.

Thanos

…I see Doctor, just remember who you declined when the universe falls into my grasp.

Dr. Piccolo

Oh god, I’m running late for my next appointment, I gotta get the hell out of here! See you later, bitch!

*Piccolo storms away from Thanos.*
Thanos

Typical, but that is the nature of fate I suppose… hmm, I feel I could go for something to devour right now-

*Loud EDM can be heard coming from below the Gaylord.*
Thanos

…I suppose this was inevitable.

*Thanos peers over the railing of the rooftop to see Ajit attempting to climb the side of the Gaylord.*
Metal Ajit Pai

Well look who it is! Hey there big guy, or should I say, SMALL guy! Hahaha!

Thanos

Oh, can you even come up with a decent joke? Your humor is your most pathetic aspect.

Metal Ajit Pai

Oh please! You can’t even dance, how can I take you seriously when you can’t even take your little song seriously? At least I can with mine!

Thanos

Really? While impressive, I will admit it was still nothing compared to my dance style. And I will have you know, I take Fireflies very seriously.

Metal Ajit Pai

What’s a tiny bug to a Harlem Shake? I could stomp you right no-

*Metal Ajit Pai’s hand slips off the railing of the roof and he bellows a child-like screech as he falls to the ground. A loud thump is heard below.*
Thanos

It seems your large mouth did not help your adhesion to the wall.

*Thanos gets on top of railing and jumps down the building, while Metal Ajit Pai reposition himself.*
Metal Ajit Pai

HEY! T-that was a kid I was about to crush! N-not me! That wasn’t funny! You still can’t beat my moves, and you never will, just look at me!

Thanos

If you are so confident, then why don’t we have a proper rematch? Let us see who really has the more intricate performance.

Metal Ajit Pai

Is this some sort of joke? Ha! I’ll beat you in an instant, Mr. Tough Guy! Let’s shake it up! FOR THE FINAL TIME.

*Metal Ajit Pai begins to glow and starts off with his signature move, The Harlem Shake.*
Metal Ajit Pai

CON LOS TERRORISTAS!

*Metal Ajit Pai thrusts his pelvis out at an extremely rapid rate.*
Thanos

Hmm, again your skills are impressive. Well, let me show you something I picked up from a stormtrooper at Disney.

*Thanos starts humping the air while humming “Worm Chase” from Crash Twinsanity.*
Metal Ajit Pai

Wait… I would recognize that that anywhere! I’ve seen that meme! I had to catch up on all the hip memes before I took out Net Neutrality, that was one of my favorites!

Thanos

Hmm? We actually have something in common? This is unprecedented… perhaps I misjudged your tastes, Ajit. They seem more refined than I thought at first glance.

Metal Ajit Pai

You know… you killing me was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. Look at me now, I’m a giant robot! Should I… be thanking you?

Thanos

I’m quite happy to see you have become grateful of your demise. If only the rest of the universe could see this luck it had in your eyes. Anyhow, all of this thrusting of my pelvis has made me quite hungry. How about we eradicate our cravings with a trip to Subway?

Metal Ajit Pai

Subway? What about that party? I heard they got free food!

Thanos

But Ajit, there is nothing more satisfying than a footlong. And better yet, it is just down the street. It has been decided by fate.

Metal Ajit Pai

Where? I don’t see it.

Thanos

…never mind that. I will lead the way.

Metal Ajit Pai

Alright then, Sure! Although But I probably won’t fit in the restaurant…

Thanos

I will take care of that. I’ll make them an offer they can’t refuse.

Metal Ajit Pai

…wait, that line isn’t from a Disney property, is it?

Thanos

No… not yet.

*Thanos and Metal Ajit Pai head over to Subway to have a midnight meal.*
*Somewhere by the railings of the roof. Agent J looks above towards the stars.* *Agent J continues to gaze at the stars. Howard walks up to J and touches his shoulder.*
Howard

[AGENT J. IS THERE A REASON YOU ARE OVER HERE AND NOT WITH EVERYONE ELSE?]

Agent J

…They’re beautiful, aren’t they?

Howard

[WHAT ARE YOU REFERRING TO?]

Agent J

The stars. We never look at them anymore, but they’re beautiful…

Howard

[AGENT J, WHAT DO YOU IMPLY?]

Agent J

H, I need to tell you. I think this will be the last time I’ll be wearing this suit.

Howard

[…]

Agent J

I think ya know what I’m talking about…

Howard

[AGENT J. WHY DO YOU SEEK RETIREMENT?]

Agent J

Well, I kinda want to go back to my previous life, ya know dog? Being an entertainer and making people laugh! Like what you want to do with your aliens buddies over there.

*Agent J points over to Popoy and Marcianito dancing with Pitbull.*
Agent J

I think you can understand what I mean, right H?

Howard

[…I UNDERSTAND.]

Agent J

Well, just one last thing we need to do then.

*Agent J pulls out a Neuralyzer and puts his hand out to Howard.*
Agent J

Would you do the honors?

Howard

[…YES.]

*Howard grabs the Neuralyzer as Agent J takes off his sunglasses.*
Howard

[AGENT J.]

Will Smith

Yes, partner?

Howard

[THANK YOU.]

*Howard raises the Neuralyzer and puts on his sunglasses.*
Will Smith

Guess I’ll see you later.

*Howard puts his finger on the button.*
Howard

[NO YOU WON’T.]

*Right before he can press the button, a voice calls out to Howard.*
Popoy

Howard, we need your ass over here!

*Howard looks to them, and then looks back at Agent J.*
Howard

[…]

*Agent J puts his sunglasses back on.*
Agent J

…Don’t worry H, we can do this later. You go join up with them. I probably should make my proper goodbyes to everyone here anyway.

Howard

[THANK YOU AGAIN. AGENT J.]

*Howard walks away to join up with the others at the dance floor.*
Agent J

…No, thank you, H. For being a damn great partner.

*Agent J turns around back to the railing and looks at the stars once more.*
*Monokuma storms off in a huff.*
Monokuma

Now, how is a bear like me supposed to see in this crowd of people! I just want to get to the bar and ask for a drink, maybe I’ll ask for something heavy and despair inducin-

*He is interrupted by a large fellow bumping into him with his back.*
Monokuma

HEY! Watch it, tubby! Can’t you see I’m walking here!

*Big Chungus turns around.*
Big Chungus

Ey, what’s up doc?

*Monokuma is outraged.*
Monokuma

What’s up? WHAT’S UP? YOU KNOW WHAT’S UP?!? YOU! You’re the only people I could have gotten away with killing during this dreadful tournament, and you showed up again like it was nothing!! Only I’M allowed to come back after dying!! Grrr….

Crash

Woah!

Ugandan Knuckles

You can say that again my brotha. The monochrome one speak like he has lost his queen.

Monokuma

I don’t need no stinking queen to control me! I’m 100% independent!

Big Chungus

Nyeh, look doc. If you want ta get ridda us, you got anotha thing comin’. Not even that empty, self-drivin’ car could off us!

Monokuma

Grrr, it’s that damn card! Hand it over!

Crash

Woah!

*Monokuma and the Cool Meme Team get into a fight, engulfed in a smoke cloud as only their struggling arms appear out of it as they all near the edge of the building!*
Monokuma

GAH!! Finally! I have it!

Ugandan Knuckles

brotha, dis is not da wae–

Monokuma

Shut it! Now that you don’t have this, I’ll get rid of you once and for all!

*Monokuma kicks the trio over the edge!*
Crash

WOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAH

Big Chungus

Waa! Hold on!

*Knuckles and Crash hold onto the girth of Chungus, and he inflates to 3 times his normal size! With this, the team safely floats down to the bottom like a balloon.*
Monokuma

WHAT?! NO!!

DJ Professor K

What in the hell is going on over here?!

Phoenix Wright

Monokuma, did you just–!?

Monokuma

What? I agreed to not kill any competitors while I was here. They aren’t competitors!

DJ Professor K

…Nick, you mind if I…?

Phoenix Wright

Go right ahead, Professor.

*The Professor winds himself up, and delivers a surprising kick to Monokuma- shooting him into the night! Phoenix and DJ K point off at Monokuma…*
Phoenix Wright

TAKE THAT!

DJ Professor K

TAKE THAT!

*…and Monokuma explodes in a bright, bursting fireball- lighting up the sky!*
DJ Professor K

Heh, I’m gonna feel that in the mornin’. May be good to stretch these old bones out from time to time though.

Phoenix Wright

It was certainly well deserved, Professor.

Maya Fey

Wah!! What happened- I heard a loud bang and rushed back up here!

*Monokuma walks in from behind Maya.*
Monokuma

I dunno what you’re talking about. I didn’t hear a thing!

DJ Professor K

I, uh, yeah, I wouldn’t worry about it little lady.

*DJ K and Monokuma share a fiery stare.*
Maya Fey

C’mon, if you guys were having fireworks you should have told me first…

Phoenix Wright

Anyways, if this is all over with now, can we please just enjoy the party like normal people? (…Please?)

Monokuma

Not with you bozos…

Maya Fey

C’mon Monokuma, cheer up! You’ll never get along with these two if you don’t lighten up a bit!

Monokuma

Nope, I didn’t need nothing for nobody!

Phoenix Wright

Maya, just… don’t even bother with him. You’ll have a better chance of getting through to a spoiled princess than him.

DJ Professor K

Seconded.

Maya Fey

Look, you guys are going to put aside your differences for tonight. This is a very special night for me, and fans all around the world! I won’t have you guys spoiling the mood!

Phoenix Wright

What? Maya, I’d do a lot for you, but this…

Monokuma

What’s the matter, Feenie? Are we no longer soulmates~?

*Phoenix tightens his fist with an annoyed look on his face.*
DJ Professor K

Cmon now, we’ve had our fun for tonight. Maya’s right. This is a party, yeah? Let’s act like it! JET SET RADIOOOOOOO!

Maya Fey

Yayyyyyy!

*K takes Phoenix to the side to speak with him privately.*
DJ Professor K

(Phoenix, look, Maya really is right. We can’t let our hate cloud up our vision and block up all the good vibes. We may not rock with him, but as hard as it may be, the right thing is to at least get along with the guy.)

Phoenix Wright

(*sigh* Alright, fine.)


*Quote decides to sit on railings of the roof for a second to relax.*
Quote

… [You feel tired out from the party today.]

*Quote watches as everyone is talking and having fun.*
Quote

… [You feel content with this.]

Eminem

Yo, kid.

*Quote turns his head to see Eminem standing in front of him.*
Quote

…? [You wonder what he wants from you.]

Eminem

So, I was thinking. Remember when we had that uhh, “raid” back a few nights ago? That was a pretty fuckin’ good time huh? I mean sure, of course I get more ass than I know what to do with, but it’s just that much more rewarding when you really WORK for it.

Quote

… [You don’t like where this is going.]

Eminem

Well anyway, like, I was thinkin’, if you’d like we can shoot for round 2 sometime… y’know what I’m sayin? Team Eminem back at it again?

Quote

… [You know what he’s saying, unfortunately… ]

Eminem

The silent treatment, huh? Maybe this will change your mind…

*Eminem pulls out a familiar garment from his pocket. Eminem starts to grin.*
Quote

…! [You are surprised that he somehow got Curly’s garment again.]

Eminem

Yeah I know what you’re thinking, “how the fuck did Shady do it again? He’s totally my fuckin’ idol, is there no end to his talent?” I have my ways.

Quote

… [It seems like you have to once again try to get Curly’s garment out of his hands.]

*Quote reaches for Curly’s panties, Eminem holds them away from him.*
Eminem

Damn kid, y’know at first I thought you were a narc or some shit, but you’re fuckin’ wild for these aren’t ya? Can’t blame you though, I’ve seen people do crazier shit for some cooch… and that robo chick you roll with ain’t half bad either.

*Eminem holds them above his head, Quote begins to jump for them and reach upward.*
Eminem

You know, I think you’d have a lot more luck with the ladies if you opened that trap of yours every now and then. Bein’ all mysterious and shit is overrated. Just look at me, I get mad pussy because I ain’t afraid to say nothin’! Of course, uh, it would take an eternity to master the English language as good as me.C’mon, tell me you want ‘em. “I want those fuckin’ panties”. I wanna hear you say it. I see it in your eyes, so let it the fuck OU-

Curly Brace

Hey Quote! They’re playing your track! Do you want to have a dan-

Quote

…! [This situation has gotten even worse than thought possible!]

Eminem

Uhh… (Aw shit).

Curly Brace

Hey, you found them again! I got to stop losing them…

*Curly takes the panties from Eminem’s hands.*
Curly Brace

Thank you again M&M!! Quote we should get to the dance floor, the track is starting!!

Quote

*Curly takes Quote’s hand and drags him to the dance floor.*
Eminem

Man, that bitch is dense. Guess they’re a perfect match after all huh?


Johnny Bravo

-and that’s the story of how your pal Johnny almost got fed to a big ol’ volcano. Whoooa mama, I’m sure glad this sexy bod didn’t burn up into a pile o’bones… uh, no offense, buddy. You wear it well.

Papyrus

NONE TAKEN OF COURSE!! THOUGH BEING A SKELETON ISN’T ALL THAT BAD! AFTER ALL, WHO’S SMILE CAN COMPARE TO THAT OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS? NYEH HEH HEH!

Johnny Bravo

Heh. Ya got me there, skelebro.

Papyrus

SAY, JOHNNY… I’M REALLY GLAD WE BECAME VERY GREAT FRIENDS!!! I’VE MADE SO MANY WONDERFUL NEW PALS THROUGHOUT THIS TOURNAMENT! DID YOU MEET SOME NEW COMPANIONS AS WELL?

Johnny Bravo

…Uh yeah, of course! Les’ see here, I got you, that puppet fella, that wacky computer-

Papyrus

TEREBI IS A TELEVISION! TE-RE-BI, SORT OF LIKE A TV!! AT LEAST THAT’S HOW I REMEMBER IT!

Johnny Bravo

Yeah yeah whatever she is. Ya see, I’ve loved gettin’ to know all y’all, but I was really hopin’ to make some friends of… another kind, too.

Papyrus

I’M PERPLEXED, BUT CURIOUS. WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY “ANOTHER KIND”??

Johnny Bravo

Ya know, I just been reaaaal busy with that tournament and forgot about what’s really important: all those fine ladies out there, lookin’ for a piece of ol’ Johnny Bravo.

Papyrus

OH, YOU MEAN LIKE MY FRIEND MARINA? SHE’S RIGHT OVER THAT-A-WAY!!

Johnny Bravo

Who’s over what-a-way?

*Johnny smear-frames over to Marina from across the room.*
Johnny Bravo

Hey there fishy mama, what say you and I ditch this party and go somewhere private? Ya like seafood? I know I do…

Marina

Uhhh… Heyyyy, Johnny… (Cod, Pearlie warned me about this.)

Johnny Bravo

Pearlie?

*Pearl pops up from behind the speakers.*
Pearl

Is this creep bothering you, ‘Rina?

Marina

Nonono Pearl it’s fine! Johnny just-

*Pearl grabs hold of Johnny’s collar and yanks him down to her level.*
Pearl

Lookee here bub, I’ll leave you off with a warning, but if you bother my ‘Rina again I swear I’ll be all over you like a hungry piranha.

Johnny Bravo

…Do ya promise?

*Pearl flips Johnny over and sends him crashing face-first onto the floor.*
Pearl

Come on, Marina.

Marina

Um… See you later then, Johnny.

*Pearl takes Marina by the hand and storms off.*
Johnny Bravo

Whoa-ho-ho, somebody’s jealous.

*Johnny jumps up and fixes his hair. He looks around the room until he spots Hakuko tap-dancing.* *Johnny slides onto the dancefloor to the surprise of those around him.*
Johnny Bravo

Do the monkey with me! HOO! HA! HOO!

*He sweeps Hakuko off her feet.*
Johnny Bravo

Heyyy baby, why not dance with this studly superstar? Don’t ya know it takes two to tango? I’ll lead, you follow…

Hakuko

Heeheehee! Well I think you should practice a bit first, you’re terribly offbeat.

Johnny Bravo

Why don’t you show me how it’s done then, babe? I’m alllllll yours.

Hakuko

My pleasure!

*Hakuko proceeds to stomp rhythmically onto Johnny’s feet. She grabs him by the hand and sends him spinning off the dancefloor and crashing into the punch table, the bowl sliding right onto Johnny’s head.*
Johnny Bravo

…She wants me.

???

pfffftHAHAHAHA!

Johnny Bravo

Wuzzat? Whozere? Seriously, I can’t see nothin’ with this here bowl on my head.

*The source of laughter lifts the bowl off Johnny’s head and places it safely back on the table. Johnny opens his eyes to reveal a friendly face.*
Mariya Takeuchi

Hiya! J…Johnny, right?

Johnny Bravo

Whoa, a chick!

*Johnny shakes himself off like a dog and props himself up against the wall, leaning toward Mariya.*
Johnny Bravo

Hey ma’am, you’re lookin’ awfully pale. Howsabout you and I head back to my place, and you can warm up against this hot bod. HOO! HA! Studly…

Mariya Takeuchi

*giggling* Wow, you come on strong. Do you really believe this is what girls like in a man?

Johnny Bravo

Uhhhh… yes.

Mariya Takeuchi

Well it didn’t seem like Hakuko over there took very kindly to your advances.

Johnny Bravo

Nah nah, that’s a surefire sign that they’re into me. That hot-blooded stare, the way she forcefully grabbed onto my beefy muscles… still haven’t figured out the whole “throw him across the room” bit, but all the signals are there, baby. Trust me, I’m a professional.

Mariya Takeuchi

You are a real character, Johnny Bravo. Are you open to some constructive criticism?

Johnny Bravo

Well missy, it’s hard to improve on perfection… but you’re welcome to try.

Mariya Takeuchi

Look Johnny, love is… how do I put this… true love takes time! You have to give it room to grow, and you have to be patient and willing to let love find you.

Johnny Bravo

Lemme stop you right there. How am I gonna find a hot mama if I don’t go out lookin’ for honeys and lettin’ them know I’m an eligible bachelor? ‘Cuz, you know, I’m sure they all see me, think I’m taken and don’t even try.

Mariya Takeuchi

Well, have you ever tried letting them make the first move?

Johnny Bravo

I… uh…

Mariya Takeuchi

Here, I’ll tell you what. You can practice on me! I’ll start. *clears throat*

Mariya Takeuchi

Hello Johnny Bravo! Your hair looks fantastic today!

Johnny Bravo

HOO! How kind of you to notice. Wanna… stroke it?

Mariya Takeuchi

Hmm, how about you try complimenting me back instead?

Johnny Bravo

Huh. Alright alright, gimme a sec. Uhhhh… I uh… really dig your… smile.

Mariya Takeuchi

Oh! Why thank you Johnny!

Johnny Bravo

Right, right. Your face is almost as pretty as mine. HOO! HA!

*Johnny whips out his mirror and smiles, showing off his pearly white teeth and fixing his hair.*
Mariya Takeuchi

…Well, it’s a start. You know Johnny, you may try to come off as this macho womanizing hunk, but I think you’re a big sweetheart. And you sure do know how to make me laugh!

Johnny Bravo

So it’s as I suspected, you’ve fallen madly in love with me. You’re a pretty lady, but let’s take it slow. First you gotta meet my momma.

Mariya Takeuchi

*laughs* I’m flattered Johnny, but I’m taken. Just remember… don’t settle for plastic love. True love will find you someday.

*Johnny looks into Mariya’s eyes, and she smiles at him. Her face seems to shine and the rest of the party becomes a blur.*
Mariya Takeuchi

Good luck, Johnny Bravo.

*Mariya gives him a kiss on the cheek and walks off.*
Johnny Bravo

…Whoa-ho-ho.

Jack

Ah, so it appears you have some game after all, my friend. I was starting to lose faith.

Johnny Bravo

WHOA MAMA! Where did you come from?

Jack

A samurai never reveals his secrets… I kid, I was just getting some of those little hotdogs over there. They are quite good!

Johnny Bravo

Jack, stop me if it’s some weirdo crazy question or whatever but… have you ever been in love?

Jack

Jack

Love has escaped my life as quickly as it arrived. I was but a lone samurai, wandering the lands on my own… I thought this would be my life for the rest of time, but love found me nonetheless. I believed that I had found my happy ending… until she vanished with the wind.

Johnny Bravo

Whoa-ho. Bummer.

Jack

Johnny Bravo

…Well I could definitely go for some of those hotdogs right about now. I’m gonna go hit up that snack bar.

Jack

I will join you. Memories of my tragic past work up quite the appetite. Haha!

Johnny Bravo

Hey uh, I ain’t never told ya this, but thanks for bein’ a good pal.

Jack

You are a fine friend, Johnny Bravo. Surely not all love is romantic. Although if you still need some advice, the ladies love the rugged look. Maybe try growing a beard… and a darker followup season of your adventures would not hurt.

Johnny Bravo

Good note. I just-

*Johnny spots Paruko across the room.*
Johnny Bravo

‘Scuse me for a second.

*Johnny dashes in Paruko’s direction.*
Jack

Alas, some things truly never change. His loss, I am taking the last hotdogs.


*Weird Al finishes a performance of POLKA FOR ANOTHER DAY, to an applause from the audience*

Thank you, thank you!

Pharrell Williams

That song never gets old!

Elmo

Elmo wants to hear it again! Hahahahaha!

Marina

Yeah, Encore!

*The crowd starts cheering for an encore.*

Well I’d love to do an encore! But first, I need to use the restroom. Be right back!

*Weird Al enters the men’s room to find someone completely different on the other side of the mirror.*

What the…

*Weird Al can’t believe his eyes: a man resembling BEAT IT is staring back at him in the mirror.*

How? I saw you disappear before my own eyes.

「BEAT IT」

I just figured it’d be rude to leave without one last goodbye.

*Gasp* D-did you just… talk!?

「BEAT IT」

Surprised?

That doesn’t even begin to describe it…

「BEAT IT」

Anyways, how’ve things been since I’ve been gone?

Well…things are getting better. My arm is, at least.

「BEAT IT」

Next time, maybe don’t pick fights with guys who got big hammers? You were playin’ with your life back there, that ain’t no truth or dare.

Still… I wonder if I would’ve been strong enough to actually fight him if I didn’t worry about whether or not you would’ve been there…

「BEAT IT」

You did pretty strong in the tournament, didn’t you?

You have a point… but I feel I didn’t use you enough ya know? And you were the biggest part for why a lot of people liked me.

「BEAT IT」

Maybe so, but when you think about it, did you ever really need me to get this far?

But… I lost the first tournament in the very first round. Don’t you remember?

「BEAT IT」

Yeah I know. That’s how I was created!

Yeah… my anger and frustration. It all manifested into you. I felt stronger with you, like I could do anything, but I didn’t even end up using you that much. And… that’s why I lost.

「BEAT IT」

Now, hold that thought. Think about all the other musicians who lost before you did. Levine, Pitbull, Eminem, even Jack Black and his puppet… you made it further than they all did, just by being yourself and making killer tunes. You didn’t even need me for most of them!

Yeah, and it’s all thanks to you.

「BEAT IT」

No, it’s all thanks to YOU. I wouldn’t even have existed if you weren’t so determined to win! Your good-humored spirit, your drive for victory, your talent on the accordion, that’s what millions of people strive to be like every single day. I may just be a mirror image, but I’d bet a solid fortune that’s exactly how most folks in this hotel feel. Even the ones you lost to admire you, I know deep down they do.

I may still have been defeated, but…

「BEAT IT」

Nobody wants to be defeated, but I always knew you could beat it.

*Weird Al looks at himself in the mirror for one last time and smiles.*

…Maybe so.

*Weird Al finishes up in the restroom and heads back to the stage.*

Okay everyone, so I’m gonna do this encore a bit differently. Before I reprise the “POLKA FOR ANOTHER DAY”…

*Weird Al takes a deep breath.*

…I’d like to play a track called “Ladies and Gentlemen… Leave me Alone.”

*Weird Al looks at DJ Professor K. K shows a thumbs up and starts playing the music.*
Otacon

Snake, there you are! I suspected you would be hiding in your box again. Is this a prank or something?

*Snake gets out of his box.*
Solid Snake

I’m not the type to make pranks, Otacon, you know me better than that. I was just gathering intel… and testing the skills of the contestants. They’re still not good at finding me. At least you’re getting better. By the way, did you-

Otacon

I got it, no worries! Here.

*Otacon passes a small box to Snake, who puts it in his vest. Both sit at the bar and ask Wobbufett for drinks. Otacon shivers*
Otacon

Why does this party have to be on the rooftop…

*Snake smirks*
Solid Snake

Just don’t go near the railings and you’ll be fine.

Otacon

I suppose… but anyway, thank you for inviting me to this party! You know how much I love nerding out with people like these guys, especially now that I know all about them!

Solid Snake

You’ll like some of ‘em. Consider your invitation a sign of gratitude for your support, despite my failed mission.

Otacon

Oh come off it, Snake. You’ll always be the ultimate winner back at FOXHOUND! The Colonel will be satisfied with all the intel we gathered.

Solid Snake

I hope so. Hold on, someone’s approaching…oh. Hrrrngh…

*Hakuko and Don-chan bounce over to where Otacon and Snake are sitting.*
Hakuko

Mr. Snake, you’re finally here! And hello there Sir! Are you a friend of Mr. Snake?

Otacon

Sure thing, Ms. Hakuko! My name is Otacon, nice to meet you! And hello, Don-chan!

Don-chan

You know my name?

Otacon

Well, I’m an intel guy, so I know everything about you!

Don-chan

Ooo! Even what I ate last night?

Otacon

Well… almost everything. Let’s just say I know the important stuff!

Don-chan

Hey! Eating is important, da-don!

Hakuko

Mr. Snake, are you alright?

Otacon

…Well, you and Don-chan were the one who eliminated him. Maybe it has something to do wi-

Solid Snake

No, Otacon, it’s not that. She’s the one that… you know… that I…

Otacon

Wait a minute, Snake, don’t tell me that-

*Quote, coming back from the dance floor, notices this confrontation from a distance.*
Quote

… [You sense discomfort again. But something feels different…]

*Otacon whispers to Snake*
Otacon

Hey, here’s your opportunity! So go ahead, do it!

Hakuko

Um, Snake, please don’t concern yourself, we already-

Solid Snake

No, Hakuko. It is important that we get this over with.

Hakuko

But Snake, we-

Solid Snake

No buts. It is my duty after the damage I have caused that this be resolved fairly.

Otacon

Come on! Come out with it! Do it, do it!

*Snake reaches into his vest and pulls out the box Otacon gave him. He opens the box and pulls out a small wrapped gift.*
Solid Snake

Please open this and use them immediately.

Don-chan

Dongya! A… a gift?

Hakuko

For us?

Hakuko

But… why?

Solid Snake

It’s… fair trade.

Hakuko

Fair… trade?

Otacon

Oh, this is so adorable!

Solid Snake

That was uncalled for, Otacon. Just open it and let’s get this over with.

Don-chan

Ooo! Oooo!! Let me, let me, da-don!!

*Don-Chan rips open the box.*
Hakuko

What is it Don-chan?

Don-chan

…Ehhhh?????

*Don-Chan pulls out… a pair of military grade boxing gloves.*
Hakuko

Wh- what are those? Boxing gloves?

Otacon

Yep, and not just any ordinary gloves! I got them myself at Snake’s request! I had to pull some strings to get these, but they come straight from FOXCONN! Normally we’d never give these to civilians, but after Snake here stressed to me how important this was… well, I made sure it happened! So, Merry Christmas!

Solid Snake

…It’s not a Christmas present.

Otacon

Huh? It’s… not a Christmas present?

*Phoenix slams his hands down on the bar.*
Phoenix Wright

That’s correct! It’s already January, therefore it is not Christmas!

Solid Snake

What? No, that’s not what I mean.

Otacon

…then why did we go through all the trouble to- ?

Solid Snake

Hakuko. Please put them on.

Hakuko

…um… a-alright…

Quote

…! [You realize what Snake is trying to do!]

*Quote rushes up and instructs Hakuko how to put on the gloves.*
Don-chan

Quote-kun?!

Hakuko

Ahh! Hello, Quote, what are y- Huh? Like this? Alright…

Don-chan

Um…… thank you, Mr. Snake??

Otacon

Snake, what in the world is going on?

Solid Snake

Leave it to me from now, Otacon. Now Hakuko, please-

Otacon

Hold on just a minute! She’s not even supposed to have those, tell me what’s going on!

Solid Snake

Otacon, I wouldn’t have asked you to do this if it wasn’t important. Please don’t worry and be quiet.

*Quote motions to Hakuko to punch.*
Hakuko

…I’m confused, what are you…?

Quote

… [Why is this so difficult for her to understand?]

Otacon

Snake, I know you’re trying to be all strong and mysterious as usual, but I’m your operator! Please, explain!

Solid Snake

Hrrrngh…!

*Don-chan’s eyes light up. He starts whispering in Hakuko’s ear.*
Otacon

All you told me was that you needed these gloves as a gift! What is it between you and this girl? You’re not trying to…

Solid Snake

No! It’s nothing like that! This is a personal matter between us that needs to be resolved.

Otacon

Resolved with military equipment?! Snake, why on Earth would you give this to the one who kicked you out of the tournament???

Solid Snake

This does not concern FOXCONN, therefore I have no obligation to-

*BAM!!!! Hakuko socks Snake in the face. He tumbles to the floor.*
Don-chan

Snake!!

Otacon

Snake??? Snake?!?!

Paruko

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!!

*Everyone turns to Paruko in surprise.*
Paruko

…sorry, I always wanted to do that…

Hakuko

Ahh! I didn’t mean to hit you that hard! Are you okay??

*Snake lies unconscious on the floor.*
Otacon

What the hell did you just do? You completely knocked him out!!!

Hakuko

Oh no! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to!

Don-chan

Is he gonna be okay?

Otacon

Don’t worry, he’s endured worse. But what was that about? Can someone expl-

Curly Brace

QUOOOOOTE!!

*Curly runs up to the group. Thomas comes as well.*
Curly Brace

Where’s Quote? I heard a lot of screaming and- why is Snake on the floor?

Thomas Bangalter

Hakuko! Did my circuits go haywire or did I just see you punch Snake?

Hakuko

I… I…!

Don-chan

Awawawawawa-!

*The Rhythm Masters look at everyone nervously. Quote jumps in the middle and makes ample arms movements.*
Curly Brace

Quote? What are you trying to say? There’s no need to play referee!

Quote

…! [That’s not what you’re trying to say and she knows it!]

Thomas Bangalter

Sir, please calm down! Are you a friend of Snake? Is he alright? Should I get the doctor?

Otacon

I’m sure Snake’s alright, he’s only knocked out, but-

*Quote insists. All go silent.*
Hakuko

*sigh* It’s a long story….

Otacon

Ah, someone is finally gonna give us the long exposition dump in classic anime fashion…

*Quote lets out a sigh of relief.*
Quote

… [You feel that everything is finally going to be resolved soon.]


*A now-conscious Snake and the Rhythm Masters sit together with Quote, Curly, Thomas and Otacon. Snake is rubbing his cheek.*
Solid Snake

MissingNo…

Hakuko

It can do that?

Solid Snake

Didn’t you hear? It impersonated that wooden puppet during one of the interviews.

Otacon

That’s accurate to our intel. MissingNo can impersonate anyone. That’s most likely what happened, Hakuko.

Thomas Bangalter

I can confirm. It even impersonated Pharrell once.

*Curly shivers*
Curly Brace

That’s kind of weird…

Hakuko

But why would it want to impersonate Snake? Why was it even there in the first place?

Solid Snake

I wouldn’t be surprised if it has been spying on all of its opponents. I heard it did the same with Dr. Piccolo.

Hakuko

We never got to properly meet MissingNo. I wouldn’t mind getting to know it better. Our battle was… interesting, to say the least.

Don-chan

And scary… don…

Thomas Bangalter

Well, all ends that ends well, at least. I’m glad I finally got to understand what happened at the cafeteria back then.

Otacon

I’m surprised that someone was able to even touch you, Snake. Is age finally getting to you?

Solid Snake

Shut up, Otacon.

Quote

… [You feel a sense of pride.]

Hakuko

Hehehe… maybe next time you should be a little more prepared for surprise hugs!

Solid Snake

…I’m not trained to deal with that kind of… “attack”.

Don-chan

You better watch out then! Here I come, do-don ga-don!

*Don-chan jumps up and gives Snake a big hug, who receives it successfully. Snake pats Don-chan and smiles.*
Otacon

Haha, Snake, you’re still as quick to learn as before!

Hakuko

Are you sure about that? Let’s see! Attack number 2!

*Hakuko comes in for a hug as well.*
Solid Snake

Mmmph… you are both quite strong…

Quote

… [This hug is missing something.]

Curly Brace

This hug is missing something!!

*Quote and Curly jump up and add themselves to the hug pile. They knock everyone over in the process. Everyone ends up on the floor laughing, including Thomas and Otacon.*