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What is KFAD?*On top of the roof at the Gaylord Hotel which has been decked out with a dancefloor, bar, and multiple places to lounge. Almost all of the contestants and a few guests are standing in front of an empty stage.*
So, the hell are we standing around here for again?
Meowth requested all of us to be here Mr. Levine, don’t you remember?
Oh yeah… well, the cat better hurry the hell up. I’m freezing up here.
Hey, don’t worry Adam. I bet that cat’s getting everything in order, he’ll be out soon!
Excuse me, Mr. Williams… Is it just me, or do your team members appear to be missing?
Oh yeah, they seem to have vanished… where did they go?
Hey, everyone! Sorry about the wait – we had to get things prepared!
yea u forgot 2 write a gud speech lol
(Hey SHHHH!!!) So, I first wanted to thank all of you for being part of this tournament! It not only has been exciting for our viewers but also uhh…
So when do we get the free food?
Hey keep your claws on, I’m not finished yet!
Yo Meowth, I got this. Hand me the mic.
Oh uh, sure Professor!
Alright, listen up suckers! This is DJ Professor K, Baby! The master of mayhem, you know what I’m sayin’? Bringing you another undergro- uh, live rooftop broadcast of some true original finger lickin’ good Jet Set Radio!! Hold on to your butts, cause… um…
…aw shucks, this ain’t that kind of show, is it? My bad, folks, it’s hard for this old geezer to get out of his old ways, you know how it is. I’ve run that damn radio for so long now I don’t know any other way to start a program…
Alright! Now that that embarrassing little stunt is out of the way, let me actually do a real speech here, impromptu style. Guess it wouldn’t feel right, if yo’ king didn’t have something to say at this big ol’ party this cat’s got planned for us.
…y’know I… none of y’all might believe this, but I kinda feel silly being up here with the honor of being your winner of this whole thing. I’m sure some of you know I didn’t come out too hot last time. Not a whole lotta people knew about me back then. I won’t lie, losing kinda bummed me out for a while. Took some of my edge off. So then, well, let’s just say that this time around, my expectations were kind of set, y’know? I was just coming for the ride. Everybody else came back, no reason why I shouldn’t. But then something stupid happened – I won the first round, and then again, and again… and again… and imma be honest with y’all, it didn’t sit all that well with me at first. I was like, “Damn! Did that MissingNo. fella’ mess with the polls? How come I’m not losing this like I’m supposed to?” Thought they were gonna come out any minute and tell us all that there was some big mistake, I was certain of it. But nope. It was all real. Folks out here really do see something in this ol’ pile of bones here…
Woooo! We love you Professor!
Yeah, kick some ass!
Oh geez, shut up, I’m talkin’ here! Heheheh… oh, what am I moanin’ and cryin’ about? We have a show to put on! Ok, time to cut the crap and get to the point – after hearing all of y’all put out banger after banger after banger after banger from each and every one of you guys, I’m convinced that any one of you are just as worthy as me to be the temporary owner of that crown. So just to prove that case in point, I’ll have some very special guests up here tonight to help me keep it real nice and fresh. In fact, the first ones are right behind me on this stage! They’re gonna make it Harder! Better! Faster! Stronger! Give it up… foooooor Daft Punk!
YEAAAAAAH!
Ain’t nothing like some robot rock, baby! Are you ready to get funky?! Hit it!
*Phoenix catches his breath. After an eventful trial, him, Maya, and Monokuma had rushed to the party they were invited to- making it just in time! After the first song, DJ Professor K leaves the decks to Daft Punk. He meets the trio.*
Wow, Professor! That was quite the speech!
Thanks, little missy! I must say, Phoenix, that was quite the performance out there today.
Thank you, Professor. It was a bit too close for me at the end, but that’s sort of par for the course at this point.
Oh, I could bear-ly stand it! The tension, the drama, the deadly attacks from the opposition! Almost brings a tear to my eye now that it’s over, but it’s all worth it for truth, justice, and the pursuit of sappiness!
(If only the “deadly attacks from the opposition” part was a joke. Never thought I’d wish I hadn’t been wrong about Edgeworth being on a case…)
Might I recommend a career change, Wright? You’re good at what you do, don’t get me wrong, but that level of stress will make your hair look just like mine! Ah ha!
Sorry, but I’ve found my calling. (He’s only joking about the hair…right?)
Hey, fair enough! Rock it on, Wright!
What’s the matter, Mr. K? Nothing nice to say about moi~?
Nope.
Aww, I’ve been bad, haven’t I? Oh wait, not really! Who was it who helped prove our little medium innocent? Who was it kept nudging the hammer of justice to whack the mole of despair? Was it you, old geezer? Nope! It was me! Nyahahaha!
He’s right, you know. If it wasn’t for Monokuma’s help, I think I would have died anyways. Thank you, Monokuma!
Huh?
Huh?!
Huh?!?
You’re just a lot of talk, you know? Even if half of you is colored black, you’ve still got more white on you! If you count your belly, I mean. Heck, I bet Pearly would think you’re plenty cute!
Bah! Leave me alone; I’m sick and tired of you schmucks, anyways! I’m going to take some well-deserved me time!
Is it really safe to let him be on his own?
Eh, he won’t do anything too terrible. Not on his own, anyways. (Besides, if these past few days taught me anything, it’s that he’s impossible to get rid of…)
Y’know Wright, I commend you for putting up with the little devil. The fool tries to drive me mad every chance he gets- kinda wanted to punt ‘em but I knew better, heh.
I learned to put up with him after enough time. After all, working with witnesses is all in the job.
I think you two made a great team once you got going. For a moment it felt like no one could stop Law & Disorder!
Hey, Nick?
Hm? What is it?
Do you think HOBaRT can make burgers? I’m hungry after the walk here…
Why don’t ya go ask him? If memory serves, he and that buggy fella are preparing more food in the kitchen now.
Alright, it’s settled! I’ll see you two later, mmkay?
(For once Maya’s appetite isn’t coming out of my wallet…)
*Geno is sitting at the rooftop bar, lost in his thoughts. He hears a familiar voice.*
Hey, Geno!
Oh, good evening, Mr. Trinen! The stars look pretty tonight, don’t they?
As usual for you, I’m sure! They’re in good hands with you protecting them, after all.
It’s true. Even with this tournament, my goal hasn’t changed. Star Road needs a warrior to defend it. At least I think I’ll do a better job at that than I did here.
What do you mean?
Well, Mr. Trinen, my performance in this tournament was as abysmal as the darkest points in space once again, wasn’t it?
You’re too hard on yourself. You held your ground a bit more this time, didn’t you? And I’ll be honest, I felt a bit sad when I saw you drop out once more. You didn’t deserve it, Geno. I don’t want you to be seen as the weakest Nintendo character, because it’s not true.
Thank you, Mr. Trinen. Your performance was admirable as well. I felt the same way as you when I saw two characters from Sega defeating you and Mr. Fils-Aimé.
Happily, Sega and Nintendo are on good terms now… despite what some might say about it.
You know, I am a bit puzzled by something, Geno.
What is it?
We met several times during this tournament, and I was expecting you to bring up one particular subject any second. But you didn’t.
If you are talking about Super Smash Brothers, I am very aware you need a high level to enter in it. I leveled up quite a lot since the last tournament, but I know I am not quite iconic enough to deserve an invitation.
If that can reassure you, players can now download a DLC featuring Piranha Plant.
It is still an iconic enemy, despite what some of my most dedicated fans might say. I am happy it got the chance it deserves. Even here, I can think of a few people who deserve the invitation.
Hmm?
I remember a conversation I had with Hakuko and Don-chan about that dreaded attack from that evil Galeem. Hakuko was horrified when she saw her friends from the kingdom of rhythm being subdued by those powerful forces. She asked me very nicely if I was suffering when Galeem took control of my spirit. I think either her or one of her rhythm friends would be a prime candidate for an invitation. And Don-chan… well, he’s already fighting, in a way.
Geno… You haven’t changed at all since Smithy took control of the castle, have you? Always so kind, so obliging, to the point of inviting dozens of guests for your opponent when you had to fight him. There’s a part of your character I always admired, not only as a marketing director, but also as a Nintendo fan.
You took that from Mr. Fils-Aimé, didn’t you?
Hahaha, in a way! But as I’m sure you know, it is not up to me to decide if you should take part in the fight or not. That’s on Sakurai-san.
Well, Mr. Sakurai already put me in Super Smash Brothers, did he not? First as a costume, then as a spirit… I am satisfied with this. The only thing bothering me is that they chose Sheik to represent me. I didn’t have any occasion to use my blaster…
Well, Geno, you know I can speak Japanese. So the next time I meet Sakurai-san, I’ll drop one word or two about you. Forgive me for the terrible pun, but knock on some wood. You never know, sometimes, miracles do happen.
That is very kind of you, Bill.
Oh? No more Mr. Trinen then, Geno?
A hero’s heart is slow to open. But when it does, it shines with the light of the brightest star.
Thank you once again Doctor for your vigorous Flintstones supplements. The daily doses have been serving me well and have kept my body feeling youthful at this stage of my life.
Yeah, no problem, hope you have enough to pay the medical bill. A dose a day keeps me away, am I right? Of course I am, I have a degree. Now if you excuse me, I have more important business to attend to.
Oh, while I have you here, I’d like to make a proposition. Would you consider a position as the medical advisor of the Children of Thanos?
…You have children? Where the hell did you get them? Also fuck you. I have no time to be playing with children.
…I see Doctor, just remember who you declined when the universe falls into my grasp.
Oh god, I’m running late for my next appointment, I gotta get the hell out of here! See you later, bitch!
Typical, but that is the nature of fate I suppose… hmm, I feel I could go for something to devour right now-
…I suppose this was inevitable.
Well look who it is! Hey there big guy, or should I say, SMALL guy! Hahaha!
Oh, can you even come up with a decent joke? Your humor is your most pathetic aspect.
Oh please! You can’t even dance, how can I take you seriously when you can’t even take your little song seriously? At least I can with mine!
Really? While impressive, I will admit it was still nothing compared to my dance style. And I will have you know, I take Fireflies very seriously.
What’s a tiny bug to a Harlem Shake? I could stomp you right no-
It seems your large mouth did not help your adhesion to the wall.
HEY! T-that was a kid I was about to crush! N-not me! That wasn’t funny! You still can’t beat my moves, and you never will, just look at me!
If you are so confident, then why don’t we have a proper rematch? Let us see who really has the more intricate performance.
Is this some sort of joke? Ha! I’ll beat you in an instant, Mr. Tough Guy! Let’s shake it up! FOR THE FINAL TIME.
CON LOS TERRORISTAS!
Hmm, again your skills are impressive. Well, let me show you something I picked up from a stormtrooper at Disney.
Wait… I would recognize that that anywhere! I’ve seen that meme! I had to catch up on all the hip memes before I took out Net Neutrality, that was one of my favorites!
Hmm? We actually have something in common? This is unprecedented… perhaps I misjudged your tastes, Ajit. They seem more refined than I thought at first glance.
You know… you killing me was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. Look at me now, I’m a giant robot! Should I… be thanking you?
I’m quite happy to see you have become grateful of your demise. If only the rest of the universe could see this luck it had in your eyes. Anyhow, all of this thrusting of my pelvis has made me quite hungry. How about we eradicate our cravings with a trip to Subway?
Subway? What about that party? I heard they got free food!
But Ajit, there is nothing more satisfying than a footlong. And better yet, it is just down the street. It has been decided by fate.
Where? I don’t see it.
…never mind that. I will lead the way.
Alright then, Sure! Although But I probably won’t fit in the restaurant…
I will take care of that. I’ll make them an offer they can’t refuse.
…wait, that line isn’t from a Disney property, is it?
No… not yet.
*Somewhere by the railings of the roof. Agent J looks above towards the stars.*
…
[AGENT J. IS THERE A REASON YOU ARE OVER HERE AND NOT WITH EVERYONE ELSE?]
…They’re beautiful, aren’t they?
[WHAT ARE YOU REFERRING TO?]
The stars. We never look at them anymore, but they’re beautiful…
[AGENT J, WHAT DO YOU IMPLY?]
H, I need to tell you. I think this will be the last time I’ll be wearing this suit.
[…]
I think ya know what I’m talking about…
[AGENT J. WHY DO YOU SEEK RETIREMENT?]
Well, I kinda want to go back to my previous life, ya know dog? Being an entertainer and making people laugh! Like what you want to do with your aliens buddies over there.
I think you can understand what I mean, right H?
[…I UNDERSTAND.]
Well, just one last thing we need to do then.
Would you do the honors?
[…YES.]
[AGENT J.]
Yes, partner?
[THANK YOU.]
Guess I’ll see you later.
[NO YOU WON’T.]
Howard, we need your ass over here!
yeah
[…]
…Don’t worry H, we can do this later. You go join up with them. I probably should make my proper goodbyes to everyone here anyway.
[THANK YOU AGAIN. AGENT J.]
…No, thank you, H. For being a damn great partner.
*Monokuma storms off in a huff.*
Now, how is a bear like me supposed to see in this crowd of people! I just want to get to the bar and ask for a drink, maybe I’ll ask for something heavy and despair inducin-
HEY! Watch it, tubby! Can’t you see I’m walking here!
Ey, what’s up doc?
What’s up? WHAT’S UP? YOU KNOW WHAT’S UP?!? YOU! You’re the only people I could have gotten away with killing during this dreadful tournament, and you showed up again like it was nothing!! Only I’M allowed to come back after dying!! Grrr….
Woah!
You can say that again my brotha. The monochrome one speak like he has lost his queen.
I don’t need no stinking queen to control me! I’m 100% independent!
Nyeh, look doc. If you want ta get ridda us, you got anotha thing comin’. Not even that empty, self-drivin’ car could off us!
Grrr, it’s that damn card! Hand it over!
Woah!
GAH!! Finally! I have it!
brotha, dis is not da wae–
Shut it! Now that you don’t have this, I’ll get rid of you once and for all!
WOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAH
Waa! Hold on!
WHAT?! NO!!
What in the hell is going on over here?!
Monokuma, did you just–!?
What? I agreed to not kill any competitors while I was here. They aren’t competitors!
…Nick, you mind if I…?
Go right ahead, Professor.
TAKE THAT!
TAKE THAT!
Heh, I’m gonna feel that in the mornin’. May be good to stretch these old bones out from time to time though.
It was certainly well deserved, Professor.
Wah!! What happened- I heard a loud bang and rushed back up here!
I dunno what you’re talking about. I didn’t hear a thing!
I, uh, yeah, I wouldn’t worry about it little lady.
C’mon, if you guys were having fireworks you should have told me first…
Anyways, if this is all over with now, can we please just enjoy the party like normal people? (…Please?)
Not with you bozos…
C’mon Monokuma, cheer up! You’ll never get along with these two if you don’t lighten up a bit!
Nope, I didn’t need nothing for nobody!
Maya, just… don’t even bother with him. You’ll have a better chance of getting through to a spoiled princess than him.
Seconded.
Look, you guys are going to put aside your differences for tonight. This is a very special night for me, and fans all around the world! I won’t have you guys spoiling the mood!
What? Maya, I’d do a lot for you, but this…
What’s the matter, Feenie? Are we no longer soulmates~?
Cmon now, we’ve had our fun for tonight. Maya’s right. This is a party, yeah? Let’s act like it! JET SET RADIOOOOOOO!
Yayyyyyy!
(Phoenix, look, Maya really is right. We can’t let our hate cloud up our vision and block up all the good vibes. We may not rock with him, but as hard as it may be, the right thing is to at least get along with the guy.)
(*sigh* Alright, fine.)
*Quote decides to sit on railings of the roof for a second to relax.*
… [You feel tired out from the party today.]
… [You feel content with this.]
Yo, kid.
…? [You wonder what he wants from you.]
So, I was thinking. Remember when we had that uhh, “raid” back a few nights ago? That was a pretty fuckin’ good time huh? I mean sure, of course I get more ass than I know what to do with, but it’s just that much more rewarding when you really WORK for it.
… [You don’t like where this is going.]
Well anyway, like, I was thinkin’, if you’d like we can shoot for round 2 sometime… y’know what I’m sayin? Team Eminem back at it again?
… [You know what he’s saying, unfortunately… ]
The silent treatment, huh? Maybe this will change your mind…
…! [You are surprised that he somehow got Curly’s garment again.]
Yeah I know what you’re thinking, “how the fuck did Shady do it again? He’s totally my fuckin’ idol, is there no end to his talent?” I have my ways.
… [It seems like you have to once again try to get Curly’s garment out of his hands.]
Damn kid, y’know at first I thought you were a narc or some shit, but you’re fuckin’ wild for these aren’t ya? Can’t blame you though, I’ve seen people do crazier shit for some cooch… and that robo chick you roll with ain’t half bad either.
You know, I think you’d have a lot more luck with the ladies if you opened that trap of yours every now and then. Bein’ all mysterious and shit is overrated. Just look at me, I get mad pussy because I ain’t afraid to say nothin’! Of course, uh, it would take an eternity to master the English language as good as me.C’mon, tell me you want ‘em. “I want those fuckin’ panties”. I wanna hear you say it. I see it in your eyes, so let it the fuck OU-
Hey Quote! They’re playing your track! Do you want to have a dan-
…! [This situation has gotten even worse than thought possible!]
Uhh… (Aw shit).
Hey, you found them again! I got to stop losing them…
Thank you again M&M!! Quote we should get to the dance floor, the track is starting!!
…
Man, that bitch is dense. Guess they’re a perfect match after all huh?
-and that’s the story of how your pal Johnny almost got fed to a big ol’ volcano. Whoooa mama, I’m sure glad this sexy bod didn’t burn up into a pile o’bones… uh, no offense, buddy. You wear it well.
NONE TAKEN OF COURSE!! THOUGH BEING A SKELETON ISN’T ALL THAT BAD! AFTER ALL, WHO’S SMILE CAN COMPARE TO THAT OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS? NYEH HEH HEH!
Heh. Ya got me there, skelebro.
SAY, JOHNNY… I’M REALLY GLAD WE BECAME VERY GREAT FRIENDS!!! I’VE MADE SO MANY WONDERFUL NEW PALS THROUGHOUT THIS TOURNAMENT! DID YOU MEET SOME NEW COMPANIONS AS WELL?
…Uh yeah, of course! Les’ see here, I got you, that puppet fella, that wacky computer-
TEREBI IS A TELEVISION! TE-RE-BI, SORT OF LIKE A TV!! AT LEAST THAT’S HOW I REMEMBER IT!
Yeah yeah whatever she is. Ya see, I’ve loved gettin’ to know all y’all, but I was really hopin’ to make some friends of… another kind, too.
I’M PERPLEXED, BUT CURIOUS. WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY “ANOTHER KIND”??
Ya know, I just been reaaaal busy with that tournament and forgot about what’s really important: all those fine ladies out there, lookin’ for a piece of ol’ Johnny Bravo.
OH, YOU MEAN LIKE MY FRIEND MARINA? SHE’S RIGHT OVER THAT-A-WAY!!
Who’s over what-a-way?
Hey there fishy mama, what say you and I ditch this party and go somewhere private? Ya like seafood? I know I do…
Uhhh… Heyyyy, Johnny… (Cod, Pearlie warned me about this.)
Pearlie?
Is this creep bothering you, ‘Rina?
Nonono Pearl it’s fine! Johnny just-
Lookee here bub, I’ll leave you off with a warning, but if you bother my ‘Rina again I swear I’ll be all over you like a hungry piranha.
…Do ya promise?
Come on, Marina.
Um… See you later then, Johnny.
Whoa-ho-ho, somebody’s jealous.
Bingo.
Do the monkey with me! HOO! HA! HOO!
Heyyy baby, why not dance with this studly superstar? Don’t ya know it takes two to tango? I’ll lead, you follow…
Heeheehee! Well I think you should practice a bit first, you’re terribly offbeat.
Why don’t you show me how it’s done then, babe? I’m alllllll yours.
My pleasure!
…She wants me.
pfffftHAHAHAHA!
Wuzzat? Whozere? Seriously, I can’t see nothin’ with this here bowl on my head.
Hiya! J…Johnny, right?
Whoa, a chick!
Hey ma’am, you’re lookin’ awfully pale. Howsabout you and I head back to my place, and you can warm up against this hot bod. HOO! HA! Studly…
*giggling* Wow, you come on strong. Do you really believe this is what girls like in a man?
Uhhhh… yes.
Well it didn’t seem like Hakuko over there took very kindly to your advances.
Nah nah, that’s a surefire sign that they’re into me. That hot-blooded stare, the way she forcefully grabbed onto my beefy muscles… still haven’t figured out the whole “throw him across the room” bit, but all the signals are there, baby. Trust me, I’m a professional.
You are a real character, Johnny Bravo. Are you open to some constructive criticism?
Well missy, it’s hard to improve on perfection… but you’re welcome to try.
Look Johnny, love is… how do I put this… true love takes time! You have to give it room to grow, and you have to be patient and willing to let love find you.
Lemme stop you right there. How am I gonna find a hot mama if I don’t go out lookin’ for honeys and lettin’ them know I’m an eligible bachelor? ‘Cuz, you know, I’m sure they all see me, think I’m taken and don’t even try.
Well, have you ever tried letting them make the first move?
I… uh…
Here, I’ll tell you what. You can practice on me! I’ll start. *clears throat*
Hello Johnny Bravo! Your hair looks fantastic today!
HOO! How kind of you to notice. Wanna… stroke it?
Hmm, how about you try complimenting me back instead?
Huh. Alright alright, gimme a sec. Uhhhh… I uh… really dig your… smile.
Oh! Why thank you Johnny!
Right, right. Your face is almost as pretty as mine. HOO! HA!
…Well, it’s a start. You know Johnny, you may try to come off as this macho womanizing hunk, but I think you’re a big sweetheart. And you sure do know how to make me laugh!
So it’s as I suspected, you’ve fallen madly in love with me. You’re a pretty lady, but let’s take it slow. First you gotta meet my momma.
*laughs* I’m flattered Johnny, but I’m taken. Just remember… don’t settle for plastic love. True love will find you someday.
Good luck, Johnny Bravo.
…Whoa-ho-ho.
Ah, so it appears you have some game after all, my friend. I was starting to lose faith.
WHOA MAMA! Where did you come from?
A samurai never reveals his secrets… I kid, I was just getting some of those little hotdogs over there. They are quite good!
Jack, stop me if it’s some weirdo crazy question or whatever but… have you ever been in love?
…
Love has escaped my life as quickly as it arrived. I was but a lone samurai, wandering the lands on my own… I thought this would be my life for the rest of time, but love found me nonetheless. I believed that I had found my happy ending… until she vanished with the wind.
Whoa-ho. Bummer.
…
…Well I could definitely go for some of those hotdogs right about now. I’m gonna go hit up that snack bar.
I will join you. Memories of my tragic past work up quite the appetite. Haha!
Hey uh, I ain’t never told ya this, but thanks for bein’ a good pal.
You are a fine friend, Johnny Bravo. Surely not all love is romantic. Although if you still need some advice, the ladies love the rugged look. Maybe try growing a beard… and a darker followup season of your adventures would not hurt.
Good note. I just-
‘Scuse me for a second.
Alas, some things truly never change. His loss, I am taking the last hotdogs.
*Weird Al finishes a performance of POLKA FOR ANOTHER DAY, to an applause from the audience*
That song never gets old!
Elmo wants to hear it again! Hahahahaha!
Yeah, Encore!
I just figured it’d be rude to leave without one last goodbye.
Surprised?
Anyways, how’ve things been since I’ve been gone?
Next time, maybe don’t pick fights with guys who got big hammers? You were playin’ with your life back there, that ain’t no truth or dare.
Still… I wonder if I would’ve been strong enough to actually fight him if I didn’t worry about whether or not you would’ve been there…
You did pretty strong in the tournament, didn’t you?
You have a point… but I feel I didn’t use you enough ya know? And you were the biggest part for why a lot of people liked me.
Maybe so, but when you think about it, did you ever really need me to get this far?
Yeah I know. That’s how I was created!
Yeah… my anger and frustration. It all manifested into you. I felt stronger with you, like I could do anything, but I didn’t even end up using you that much. And… that’s why I lost.
Now, hold that thought. Think about all the other musicians who lost before you did. Levine, Pitbull, Eminem, even Jack Black and his puppet… you made it further than they all did, just by being yourself and making killer tunes. You didn’t even need me for most of them!
No, it’s all thanks to YOU. I wouldn’t even have existed if you weren’t so determined to win! Your good-humored spirit, your drive for victory, your talent on the accordion, that’s what millions of people strive to be like every single day. I may just be a mirror image, but I’d bet a solid fortune that’s exactly how most folks in this hotel feel. Even the ones you lost to admire you, I know deep down they do.
Nobody wants to be defeated, but I always knew you could beat it.
Okay everyone, so I’m gonna do this encore a bit differently. Before I reprise the “POLKA FOR ANOTHER DAY”…
Snake, there you are! I suspected you would be hiding in your box again. Is this a prank or something?
I’m not the type to make pranks, Otacon, you know me better than that. I was just gathering intel… and testing the skills of the contestants. They’re still not good at finding me. At least you’re getting better. By the way, did you-
I got it, no worries! Here.
Why does this party have to be on the rooftop…
Just don’t go near the railings and you’ll be fine.
I suppose… but anyway, thank you for inviting me to this party! You know how much I love nerding out with people like these guys, especially now that I know all about them!
You’ll like some of ‘em. Consider your invitation a sign of gratitude for your support, despite my failed mission.
Oh come off it, Snake. You’ll always be the ultimate winner back at FOXHOUND! The Colonel will be satisfied with all the intel we gathered.
I hope so. Hold on, someone’s approaching…oh. Hrrrngh…
Mr. Snake, you’re finally here! And hello there Sir! Are you a friend of Mr. Snake?
Sure thing, Ms. Hakuko! My name is Otacon, nice to meet you! And hello, Don-chan!
You know my name?
Well, I’m an intel guy, so I know everything about you!
Ooo! Even what I ate last night?
Well… almost everything. Let’s just say I know the important stuff!
Hey! Eating is important, da-don!
Mr. Snake, are you alright?
…Well, you and Don-chan were the one who eliminated him. Maybe it has something to do wi-
No, Otacon, it’s not that. She’s the one that… you know… that I…
Wait a minute, Snake, don’t tell me that-
… [You sense discomfort again. But something feels different…]
Hey, here’s your opportunity! So go ahead, do it!
Um, Snake, please don’t concern yourself, we already-
No, Hakuko. It is important that we get this over with.
But Snake, we-
No buts. It is my duty after the damage I have caused that this be resolved fairly.
Come on! Come out with it! Do it, do it!
Please open this and use them immediately.
Dongya! A… a gift?
For us?
Yes.
But… why?
It’s… fair trade.
Fair… trade?
Oh, this is so adorable!
That was uncalled for, Otacon. Just open it and let’s get this over with.
Ooo! Oooo!! Let me, let me, da-don!!
What is it Don-chan?
…Ehhhh?????
Wh- what are those? Boxing gloves?
Yep, and not just any ordinary gloves! I got them myself at Snake’s request! I had to pull some strings to get these, but they come straight from FOXHOUND! Normally we’d never give these to civilians, but after Snake here stressed to me how important this was… well, I made sure it happened! So, Merry Christmas!
…It’s not a Christmas present.
Huh? It’s… not a Christmas present?
No.
That’s correct! It’s already January, therefore it is not Christmas!
What? No, that’s not what I mean.
…then why did we go through all the trouble to- ?
Hakuko. Please put them on.
…um… a-alright…
…! [You realize what Snake is trying to do!]
Quote-kun?!
Ahh! Hello, Quote, what are y- Huh? Like this? Alright…
Um…… thank you, Mr. Snake??
Snake, what in the world is going on?
Leave it to me from now, Otacon. Now Hakuko, please-
Hold on just a minute! She’s not even supposed to have those, tell me what’s going on!
Otacon, I wouldn’t have asked you to do this if it wasn’t important. Please don’t worry and be quiet.
…I’m confused, what are you…?
… [Why is this so difficult for her to understand?]
Snake, I know you’re trying to be all strong and mysterious as usual, but I’m your operator! Please, explain!
Hrrrngh…!
All you told me was that you needed these gloves as a gift! What is it between you and this girl? You’re not trying to…
No! It’s nothing like that! This is a personal matter between us that needs to be resolved.
Resolved with military equipment?! Snake, why on Earth would you give this to the one who kicked you out of the tournament???
This does not concern FOXHOUND, therefore I have no obligation to-
Snake!!
Snake??? Snake?!?!
SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!!
…sorry, I always wanted to do that…
Ahh! I didn’t mean to hit you that hard! Are you okay??
What the hell did you just do? You completely knocked him out!!!
Oh no! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to!
Is he gonna be okay?
Don’t worry, he’s endured worse. But what was that about? Can someone expl-
QUOOOOOTE!!
Where’s Quote? I heard a lot of screaming and- why is Snake on the floor?
Hakuko! Did my circuits go haywire or did I just see you punch Snake?
I… I…!
Awawawawawa-!
Quote? What are you trying to say? There’s no need to play referee!
…! [That’s not what you’re trying to say and she knows it!]
Sir, please calm down! Are you a friend of Snake? Is he alright? Should I get the doctor?
I’m sure Snake’s alright, he’s only knocked out, but-
…*sigh* It’s a long story….
Ah, someone is finally gonna give us the long exposition dump in classic anime fashion…
… [You feel that everything is finally going to be resolved soon.]
*A now-conscious Snake and the Rhythm Masters sit together with Quote, Curly, Thomas and Otacon. Snake is rubbing his cheek.*
MissingNo…
It can do that?
Didn’t you hear? It impersonated that wooden puppet during one of the interviews.
That’s accurate to our intel. MissingNo. can impersonate anyone. That’s most likely what happened, Hakuko.
I can confirm. It even impersonated Pharrell once.
That’s kind of weird…
But why would it want to impersonate Snake? Why was it even there in the first place?
I wouldn’t be surprised if it has been spying on all of its opponents. I heard it did the same with Dr. Piccolo.
We never got to properly meet MissingNo. I wouldn’t mind getting to know it better. Our battle was… interesting, to say the least.
And scary… don…
Well, all ends that ends well, at least. I’m glad I finally got to understand what happened at the cafeteria back then.
I’m surprised that someone was able to even touch you, Snake. Is age finally getting to you?
Shut up, Otacon.
… [You feel a sense of pride.]
Hehehe… maybe next time you should be a little more prepared for surprise hugs!
…I’m not trained to deal with that kind of… “attack”.
You better watch out then! Here I come, do-don ga-don!
Haha, Snake, you’re still as quick to learn as before!
Are you sure about that? Let’s see! Attack number 2!
Mmmph… you are both quite strong…
… [This hug is missing something.]
This hug is missing something!!