The Party – Part 2


*Meanwhile, in the kitchen.*
HOBaRT

WRRRRRRRRRRR

HOBaRT

WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

HOBaRT

WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRight! That’s the way!

HOBaRT

YOU SHOWED ME THE WAY.

HOBaRT

*clank clank clank clank clank clank*

HOBaRT

*CLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANK*

HOBaRT

Ha ha ha… blimey, I never thought it’d be this fun havin’ a mate to make the meals with. You’re a bloody goofball, you know?

HOBaRT

YEAH… THIS IS A LOT MORE FUN THAN I WAS EXPECTING.

HOBaRT

Anyway, we gotta get back on track. We gotta start workin’ on that request.

HOBaRT

OH RIGHT. UM… HOW EXACTLY ARE WE GOING TO MAKE “JALAPEÑO-FLAVORED TWINKIE WIENER SANDWICHES”?

HOBaRT

Ah, it’ll be a tricky one, but it’s not a problem for us professionals. I’ll show ya how step by step, don’tcha worry. So first, grab some wiener sauce and mix it with some whipped-

*The kitchen door swings open.*
Mariya Takeuchi

HOBaRT, we just ran out of milk and the cats are getting antsy, do you think you could-

HOBaRT

…!!!

Mariya Takeuchi

…Um, I assume one of you is MissingNo.? Hi!

HOBaRT

Don’t worry miss, we can get some milk for ya right away! Mate, could ya-

*FWOOP! Both HOBaRTs transform into plastic.*
HOBaRT

…erm, what’s goin’ onn-n-ana-n-a-nan-ana –

*Both HOBaRTs begin shaking violently. CRRACK! They break into tiny pieces and scatter all over the floor around Mariya’s feet.*
Mariya Takeuchi

Ahhh!! MissingNo.!?!?!

*Suddenly the pieces reassemble and put themselves back together – into one single HOBaRT.*
Mariya Takeuchi

HOBaRT!! Are you okay?!?!

HOBaRT

Wrrrrrrrrr…

Mariya Takeuchi

I’m so sorry, this must be my fault! I’m going to go find it, hang on tight.

*Mariya rushes out of the kitchen.*
*There’s a group surrounding the snack table, mid-conversation*
Dr. Crygor

…and with upgrading Orbulon’s ship with the parts of that robot Wario gave me, the last thing on my mind was submitting it for the Kleiner certificate of approval again but I think it’s really worth a shot!

Mad Scienstein

Simply marvellous, I would love to work on a project with you after my next expedition. I’m off to a place known as the “Ancient Waterworks”, it’s known for its wonderful plant life and I want to study it for myself.

Captain Syrup

Still got it in ya to travel? Good on you old timer. What about you, Shakey? Enjoying yourself?

*Shake King is wearing a comically small party hat on top of his helmet, and has a party horn is his mouth. He looks very unamused.* *He blows the horn, it lets out a loud vuvuzela-like noise*
Dr. Crygor

I must say, in all my 103 years on this earth I’ve never been to a party as unique at this one! Well, maybe a few of Jimmy T’s could count, but this is extraordinary!

Captain Syrup

It was kind of those two to invite us here but it’s the least they could do for us after lying to us. Speaking of which, where are they? Have you seen them Count?

Count Cannoli

*Hic* They ain’t at the bottom of this bloody *hic* punchbowl, that’s for sure! Wahaha! *hic*

Black Jewel

ŞØΜ€ØŇ€ ƤŁ€ΔŞ€ ŞŦØƤ ŦĦ€ ƤỮŘƤŁ€ ØŇ€ ₣ŘØΜ ĐŘƗŇҜƗŇǤ, Ħ€ ŦΔŇҜ€Đ ŦĦΔŦ ĐØŴŇ ƗŇ 2 ΜƗŇỮŦ€Ş.

Count Cannoli

*Hic* Oh, hush yourself you overpriced faux! I’m allowed to *hic* enjoy myself after what those so called “business men” *hic* put me through, THEY DRIVE ME TO DRINK *hic*. Oh look, there’s the precociously execrable ninnies now! *hic*

*Wario and Waluigi are parading their “fine” wears to the crowd.*
Wario

HAT, SCARFS, BADGES AND FLAGS!

Waluigi

GET OUR 110% LEGITIMATE KFAD MERCHANDISE TODAY! BUY 6 ITEMS, GET A 7TH ONE FOR SEVEN TIMES THE PRICE OF ONE! IT’S A TOTAL STEAL OF A DEAL!

Mr. Krabs

I say you two are making more of a ruckus than SpongeBoy me Bob did with his pretty patties, apart from people were actually buying his stuff! Arkarkarkarkarkark!

Wario

Ey bub, either get to buying or get to walkin’!

Waluigi

Yeah, you Krusty Clown! Our inventory has been selling better than our microgames, we’re making the quickest buck you’ve ever seen! Weheheheheheh!

Mr. Krabs

So yer telling me you’re actually making a profit? Well I’m all ears boys! Tell me yer secret!

Wario

Wahahaha, nice try penny pincher! Only investors get to know our business!

Mr. Krabs

Oh you’re actually a legitimate company? Well, colour me surprised! What’s yer name?

Wario Partners, LLP

WE’RE WARIO PARTNERS, LLP, WE PUT THE BAD IN “BAD FOR BUSINESS”!

Mr. Krabs

An LLP? That’s more legitimate than the Chum Bucket! You supply me with the merchandise and I’ll make a KFAD Patty meal at me beloved restaurant!

Wario

Wah ha! What we just did there Waluigi? That was some real grade-A business!

Waluigi

Weheheheh! We’ll be in the big bucks again in no time at all!

???

Are you 3 gentlemen talking about investments? My corporate associates would love to invest more to the little man’s work.

Wario

Huh, who said that?

Mr. Krabs

Look up boyo!

*Wario looks upwards to see Metal Ajit Pai.*
Waluigi

It’s that rust bucket we beat, what do you want loser? Only winners get to be associated with us!

Metal Ajit Pai

Didn’t you guys lose the tournament?

Wario

SHADDUP! Start talking money or we’re gonna take more of your parts.

Metal Ajit Pai

You can take as much as you want, I run on Viacom money, they can rebuild anytime with ease! And you can run on their cash too, even if you are quite the unpleasant pair! We’ve been busy making our own Viacom King for Another Day Internet Package™️ and what would sell it even more than some genuine goods from you two! You can trust us, Viacom is just as legitimate as you. Deal?

Wario Partners, LLP

WE’LL TAKE IT!

Metal Ajit Pai

Great news! I’ll send an underling to send you the papers. An absolute pleasure doing business with you.

*The Harlem Shake begins to play on the DJ set.*
Metal Ajit Pai

OH THIS IS MY SONG! I’ll talk to you later, I gotta dance!

Waluigi

What a weird robot, you think Mike would go along with him?

Wario

Pfft, nah. Mike actually has a taste in music! WAHAHAHAHAHA!

Waluigi

WEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!

*The pairs laughter is interrupted by a stern cough.*
John Notwoodman

have you punks been selling bootleg stock of MY event? Even after I let you two trouble makers back in?!?

Wario

Er- You know, the- One thing I should… -Excuse us for one second?

John Notwoodman

Absolutely not! I demand an answer now!

Waluigi

BOOK IT WARIO!

*Wario and Waluigi grab their goods and rush past John Notwoodman, laughing while they do so.*
John Notwoodman

I’LL MAKE SURE YOU TWO PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID, BOTH FIGURATIVELY AND LITERALLY!

Wario

Nyah nyah nah nah nah! WAHAHAHAHA!


*Jack, Elmo, and the Jack Bros. are sitting together.*
Jack Black

What are you guys up to now that this is all winding down?

Jack Frost

The usual, we’re gonna go back to getting into mischief and having fun! All of the other hee-mons will be so proud of us once we get back, ho! I joined this tournament to get stronger and more awesome, but mayb-hee I’m fine just the way I am!

Mothman

Me think that this is the case, snowman friend.

Jack Frost

Right! So, what are you guys gonna do now, hee-ho?

Jack Black

Ah, we’re very busy, you see. We’re always teaching people about this fantastic shape of ours and we don’t plan on stopping anytime soon! Other than that, I apologized to Kyle. It was stupid of me to act like that towards him… but we’re all good now.

Elmo

And Elmo is going to keep helping Mr. Jack, of course! Elmo loves to teach everyone about new and exciting things, hahahaha!

Jack Black

We got enough stuff on our plate as you can hear. I’m gonna keep on rocking, you can’t kill the metal!

Mothman

Actually, me think you are wrong. Me actually ate m-

Jack Frost

I don’t think this is the time, budd-hee-ho.

Elmo

Hahahaha! Mr. Moth is so funny! Elmo tells him he can visit Sesame Street any time he wants!

Mothman

Little demon and human can come visit me home too!

Jack Black

Uh… Yeah… No… I-I don’t think that’s a good idea.

Jack Frost

But all the hee-mons love your music, ho! And we’re hee-homies now! You’re an honorary member of the Jack Bros., ho! From this moment on, you’ll be known as… Jack Fr… No, wait. Black Fro… Hmm… W-we’ll think of a name later.

Jack Black

I think that we have one thing left to settle… Our previous dance battle ended in a tie! So let’s end this here and now!

Jack Frost

Hee-hoooo!

*They all make their way to the dance floor and begin to dance!*
Mothman

Do not forget what me teach you, little demon!

Elmo

Of course not!

???

Are you really having a dance off without us, gringos?

???

[IT IS POINTLESS. WE ARE UNSTOPPABLE NOW.]

*Popoy and Howard jump onto the dance floor and start dancing together.Their moves are incredible!*
Popoy

Goddamn Howard, you’re on fire!

Howard

[THEY HAVE NO CHANCE.]

*Suddenly the lights go out. When they come back on, there’s someone standing in the middle of the dance floor.* *Everyone looks at Marcianito as he starts his dance, it’s the maddest jig anyone has ever seen! He’s killing it!*
Jack Frost

Hee-ho! Not Fair!

Jack Black

Aw man! This is embarrassing for all of us!

*The dancing continues.*
ZUN

Hello buddy, I’ll take one glass of punch – spiked.

HOBaRT

WHRRRRRRRR

*HOBaRT whips up a glass of punch that smells more of alcohol than punch.*
ZUN

Thank you very much!

*ZUN takes the glass out of the mixing bowl. On his way back up, ZUN spills punch on the Reimu doll’s bow.*
ZUN

Oops! Well, at least it’s red… although its more scarlet than red now that I look at it…

Reimu Fumo

that’s it, i’ve had enough. lay off the booze for once you drunk. maybe have some tea for a change, then you won’t be spilling stuff all over the place.

ZUN

Oh, you talk. Sorry about that!

Reimu Fumo

what? you’re not more surprised about a talking doll?

ZUN

Trust me, you’re not the first one I’ve run into! *laughs*

Reimu Fumo

ok fair, but I gotta ask: Why do you keep saying *laughs* like that?


*The dance battle between the Jacks and the Aliens begins to wind down, when suddenly Jack Frost catches a glimpse of a familiar face…*
Jack Frost

Hey budd-hee, is that who i think it is over there, ho?

*The Jack Bros walk over to the edge of the roof, where Neil Cicierega and Hat Kid are perched.*
Jack Frost

Hee-ho… It’s those Phantom Thieves! You’re at the party!

Allstar

Oh hey! Yeah, sorry I’ve sorta been chilling away from the crowd here, all the noise and lights got to be a bit too much for me. Hey, Hatter! It’s those two shadows I was telling you about! Say hi, Hatter.

Hat Kid

Hello!

Allstar

It’s good to see you guys! Last time we talked was when we worked out that deal, right?

Jack Frost

Yeah! You made my friend hee-re really happy, ho!

Mothman

But metal man take shiny coin away…

Allstar

Did he? Hmmm… Well lucky for you be-

Jack Frost

Hee-hey! Speaking of our deal, how did it work out, ho? Was it enough to get into that palace?

Allstar

Oh, well you see, the thing about that is-

Hat Kid

Nope!

Allstar

W-we’ve been shifting gears somewhat! As of recent, the Phantom Thieves have been pursuing Thanos, the Mad Titan! I’m sure that we will be able to bring him down! …Eventually!

Jack Frost

You kinda suck at b-hee-ing a Phantom Thief, ho? At least you managed to get a new team member.

Allstar

I guess that’s true. I just wish… nah nevermind, it doesn’t matter.

*Hat Kid begins to poke Neil and pouts.*
Allstar

Alright, alright, I’ll talk, cut it out! It’s just, I kinda wish I could’ve been able to do some real music here, instead of just running around with this whole Phantom Thief gig. Not that I don’t enjoy the work I do with my persona, but it would’ve been fun to participate in the tournament for real, you know? Too late for that though, I guess.

Jack Frost

Hmmmm… Hee-how did you get that persona anyways?

Allstar

Well… A while ago, I got a letter in the mail from some guys named Nutshackwoodman34 and Jerome. It said I had been invited to the King For Another Day Tournament! I was pretty stoked for it, it was a chance to really show off my music chops! Once I got there, I felt mesmirized by the all-star cast they had lined up! But… as I’m sure everyone knows by now, it turned out the letter wasn’t real. Me and Hatter over here got duped! Us and lots of other guys got our hopes up, only to find out that we only made it into a joke direct. The whole thing just felt so… unfair. Next thing I knew, there was this mask on my face. I ripped it off…

*Neil removes his mask.*
Lemon Demon

And out I came!

*Neil puts his mask back on.*
Allstar

I still get bummed about the whole thing from time to time… but if I’m honest, I don’t think it’s too bad. I met you guys, and Hatter and I have been doing good work. I’ve even gotten some offers from other beta direct guys wanting to join in on the team! Though I don’t know how useful a guy named Underbeef Sans would be… In any case, even if I couldn’t compete in this ultimate showdown, I can always make my own tunes and videos like always! So it’s all good. Now, I have something to show you guys… This is something that I did manage to nab…

*Neil reaches into his pocket and pulls out…*
Mothman

SHINY COIN! ME TAKE!

*Mothman suddenly jumps onto Neil and grabs the coin, pushing Neil off the roof in the process!*
Allstar

AAAAAAAHH!

*Hat Kid starts running down the stairs.*
King Dedede

*shivers* I still remember that place. Darkness surrounding meh, the void with all the stars… I thought good ol’ meh was done for!

Dr. Robotnik

But how can you be here to tell me this tale, then?

King Dedede

Well, uh… I sensed a violent wind all over again, and I woke up in the grass near mah castle. But I never found mah doll back.

Escargoon

Kirby surely spit it out because he sensed he couldn’t take your ability.

King Dedede

Well of course! Ain’t no person takin’ any ability from the great King Dedede! HEHHEHHEH!

Escargoon

The only thing sad about this story is that since we never found the doll, we never had our money ba-

*WHACK!*
King Dedede

Don’t ruin the moment, Escargoon! Let my guest enjoy my courage as all hope seemed lost for meh!

Escargoon

Courage? I’m sure you- nevermind.

Dr. Robotnik

Muhahaha! I must admit, I like you, penguin. Allow me to apologise for my burst in the conference room. We are both alike, you and I: we have squatty little pests constantly humiliating us, we have fiendishly brilliant plans which always seem to fail at the last second for unfair reasons, and we even have our own underlings we can latch ourselves at when they are acting like stooge-bots! (I think my husband might still have a grudge against you though…)

Escargoon

It’s quite brave of you to say that in front of my face, big guy. But the plans of my liege are not so much his own ones as the ones of our contrac-

*WHACK!*
King Dedede

A true villain never reveals his secrets, Escargoon!

Escargoon

Wait, isn’t that the whole point of an evil speech?

Dr. Robotnik

You are actually right! I find a particular enjoyment exposing my ulterior motives when I am very close to defeating that deceitful hedgehog. It’s like caviar for the most genial of villains! But it comes with the risk of your mortal enemy using your words and your plans against you.

King Dedede

Uhhh, you’re makin’ meh reminisce about many things that happened with that there Kirby…

???

Kirby? Wait, is Kirby here now?! Where where where?!!

King Dedede

WHAT? WHERE’S THAT THERE KIRBY?

*Dedede lifts his hammer, ready to clobber.*
KO

Whoa, hold on, Mr. King Dedede! It’s just me!

King Dedede

Wait, ya know me? Who are you?

KO

I’m K.O.! I was on my way to get some punch when I heard you guys mention Kirby, so I was wondering if he was here! I love him so much!

King Dedede

Ya DARIN’ to say that to ME?

Escargoon

Please, Your Majesty, hold yourself back! He’s just a kid!

Dr. Robotnik

If you want an answer to your idiotic question, there aren’t any little pests like Sonic or that pink menace in this hotel.

KO

Hey! Sonic isn’t a menace- he’s a super cool and fast hero! If Sonic, Tails and I could beat Boxman, I’m sure we could take on another fat guy like you, Robotnik!

Dr. Robotnik

I’m surprised you know about me, little twerp! But why are you mentioning me being fat? Everything is perfect about my physique!

KO

If you ask me, no one is better-looking in this tournament than Johnny Bravo!

Dr. Robotnik

That big doofus?

King Dedede

He thinks he’s hot stuff, but he can consider himself lucky he didn’t have a fight against me!

Escargoon

Sire, I wouldn’t be so sure if you couldn’t even win against the sk-

*WHACK!*
KO

HEY!

Dr. Robotnik

MUHAHAHAHA! Do it again! I enjoy this kind of entertainment!

Escargoon

How could you ask this? You’re so evil!

Dr. Robotnik

Well, that’s what is written in my resume! I even put my evil laugh certificate on it! WAHAHAHAHA!

King Dedede

The more you open your mouth, the more I like ya! HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!

KO

Hey, stop that! Escargoon doesn’t deserve to be hit that much!

Diddy Kong

Indeed he doesn’t!

KO

WOW! Diddy Kong! Donkey Kong! I must be dreaming!

Donkey Kong

In the flesh, little buddy! We came here because we heard my partner Dedede was being mean again!

Diddy Kong

Hey, big penguin guy, that’s no way to handle a sidekick! Do you see DK punching me like that?

King Dedede

He may be my sidekick, but he owes me loyalty! I have the right to correct him if he does mistakes!

Donkey Kong

Hey, didn’ ya tell me back when we got out of that Nintendo conference that snail was your friend too?

Dr. Robotnik

If you ask me, this is the perfect way to handle friends! Or at least, the perfect one for evil leaders like us!

Donkey Kong

Not even that pirate King K. Rool beats his Kremlings up like Dedede beats up that poor guy!

Dr. Robotnik

Don’t talk about pirates to me, monkey wrench! You’re reminding me of that blasted crustacean who eliminated me all the way back!

Donkey Kong

My point is, Dededude, you gotta slow down, not lash down! You better not continue, you know you don’t want my Banana Slamma in your face!

Escargoon

Mr. Donkey Kong, I appreciate your concern, but I have been whacked by my liege so many times that-

*Escargoon sees Dedede ready to whack him again.*
Escargoon

-th-th-that I don’t even feel it anymore! That’s what I was going to say, Your Majesty!

King Dedede

Is that so, Escargoon?

Dr. Robotnik

That means you can handle one more whacking then, can’t you? I won’t mind it, that reminds me of my brainless boltheads back in Mobius!

Diddy Kong

I don’t care about you not feeling anything, snail guy! The penguin should not whack you!

KO

Yeah! That’s not what sidekicks are for! Sidekicks are there to help their friends- as a team!

Donkey Kong

Yo, if you’re not convinced, how ‘bout this. This is literally our last day here, the last time we’re all gonna be together. This is the last chance you’ll have to talk to all of us here! Why don’t ya have a good time now? You’ll have all the time in the world to whack the snail back in your home planet!

Diddy Kong

Yeah, DK, I’m still not-

Donkey Kong

(Don’t worry, little buddy. Like that, he’ll stop hitting the snail.)

King Dedede

You have a good point, simian! Escargoon, I’ll give you a few hours of respite! You can use this time to be ready to be whacked again later!

Escargoon

Thank you, my liege! I’ll be sure to use that time well!

Dr. Robotnik

Oh, how disappointing. Oh well, at least I can still talk to you about my wonderful machines!

King Dedede

Sure! Let’s see how they compare to those monstahs I come up with!

Dr. Robotnik

Hey, bartender! Give me a full glass of prrrrrune juice! With an egg in it!

King Dedede

I fancy meh some apple juice if you have some!

*As Robotnik and Dedede continue their conversation, K.O. turns towards DK and Diddy.*
KO

Wow, that was so cool! You did such a great job convincing him!

Donkey Kong

Thanks dude! The Kremlings tried to convince me so many times I was on their side, so I took some notes to convince people better!

Diddy Kong

And DK is the best for making people feel cool! On Kongo Bongo Island, we do nothing but singing and relaxing, we’re used to feeling cool!

KO

Oh yeah, I remember! You had very cool songs! Gotta bring it back!

Donkey Kong

Gotta get it back!

Diddy Kong

Take it back!

Donkey Kong

Wow, you know all our songs, little buddy?

KO

Well, I don’t know all of them… but maybe you can learn one or two to me? Please?

Diddy Kong

Well, since we just talked to a guy loving robots… Is there something you should tell me big buddyyyyy?

Donkey Kong

I’m a metal head a metal head a metal head a me-

Thomas Bangalter

Hey, sorry to interrupt, but I’m not sure these are the right lyrics, DK!

Donkey Kong

Huh? But-

Diddy Kong

Wait a second.

*Guy-Man facepalms and K.O. rolls on the floor laughing!*
Mariya Takeuchi

Did you find MissingNo?

Phoenix Wright

We can’t find it anywhere…

Geno

Where all have we checked?

Mariya Takeuchi

I’ve looked all around the hotel…

Geno

I already checked the kitchen.

Phoenix Wright

I deduced that he would be at the pier, but it was pretty dark, I may have missed it…

Mariya Takeuchi

Oh! Hey Hypercam, have you seen MissingNo?

Unregistered HyperCam 2

its not with hobart?

Geno

Unfortunately no.

Mariya Takeuchi

I went in the kitchen to ask for something and it ran off…

Unregistered HyperCam 2

u checkd the peir right

Phoenix Wright

Yes, it wasn’t there.

Unregistered HyperCam 2

did u check in teh pier

Unregistered HyperCam 2

dood missingno like, lives underwtaer. thats its #1 hidng place. y did u think it lieks the pier so much.

Phoenix Wright

(That makes a lot of sense now that I think about it…)

Unregistered HyperCam 2

k so who wants to go swiming

Phoenix Wright

Swimming?!

Unregistered HyperCam 2

swimming 4 the missingn missingno

Geno

I volunteer. Let’s go.

Phoenix Wright

Hold it! Aren’t you made of wood? Being submerged in water can’t be good for you!

Geno

You forget that I am not of your world, Mr. Wright. Swimming is not an issue for me.

Mariya Takeuchi

Alright, then let’s go!

*HOBaRT suddenly appears.*
HOBaRT

HOLD ON, THAT WON’T BE NECESSARY.

Geno

HOBaRT! Has the situation changed?

HOBaRT

YES. UH… MISSINGNO HAS RETURNED TO THE KITCH’. EVERYTHING BE FINE MATEYS.

Mariya Takeuchi

Hold on a moment. HOBaRT, how did you get all the way here from the kitchen?

HOBaRT

UM … I THOUGHT YOU FELLAS KNEW? OI AM QUITE CAPABLE OF GETTN’ ME SELF ‘ROUND THESE HERE PARTS… UH… CUNT.

Geno

HOBaRT! I know you are a little loose with how you use language, but that was over the line!

Phoenix Wright

Agreed! You should be more careful with how you address women!

Mariya Takeuchi

…mmmph – hahahahahahahaha!

Unregistered HyperCam 2

lolololololololololooolololollolololol omg this is 2 much

HOBaRT

…UM… WHAT BE SO FUNNY MATES?

Geno

Yes, I fail to find what’s so funny about this.

Mariya Takeuchi

MissingNo, your HOBaRT impression is TERRIBLE!

Unregistered HyperCam 2

u sound lik a pirate lmao

HOBaRT

…I SOUND LIKE A PIRATE?

Mariya Takeuchi

Yes! That’s exactly what you sound like!

Geno

Oh, I understand what’s happening. Well, it seems we won’t need to go to the pier then.

Phoenix Wright

(Wait a minute…how does HOBaRT sounding like a pirate result in us not needing to go to the pier? That doesn’t make any sense…)

Unregistered HyperCam 2

lmao that was gud. now drop teh act, we no its u

HOBaRT

MAYBE I SHOULDN’T… IF I’M SO ENTERTAINING TO YOU AS HOBART, THEN…

Mariya Takeuchi

Don’t be silly! I’m sorry if we hurt your feelings when we laughed at you.

Unregistered HyperCam 2

It was alll with gud intentions buddy

Mariya Takeuchi

Yeah, we’re all friends here. There’s no reason to hide!

HOBaRT

…I HAVE MANY REASONS TO HIDE…

Geno

Agreed. You should not be ashamed of who you are.

Phoenix Wright

Don’t be ashamed of who you are, HOBaRT! Being a mixer is nothing to be ashamed of!

*Everyone gives Phoenix a weird look.*
Phoenix Wright

(Whoops, I think I might have gotten something wrong…)

HOBaRT

I HURT PEOPLE. I’VE HURT ALL OF YOU. ESPECIALLY YOU, GENO… WHY WERE YOU EVEN LOOKING FOR ME?

Geno

Hm? Oh, yes. You did use my body without my permission. But please do not concern yourself. You have nothing to apologize for. When I heard from Mariya that you were missing I joined the search party immediately. A friend of a friend is also my friend, and you are among many friends here. There is no bad blood between us. Besides, you did not hurt me at all.

HOBaRT

NO. I DON’T DESERVE TO BE AROUND OTHERS. SO MUCH OF THIS TOURNAMENT WAS BROKEN BECAUSE OF ME. THE DOUBLE UPLOADS. THE DELAYED RESULTS. THE UNINTENDED ANNOUNCEMENTS. THE ISSUES IN THE POLLS. I’VE ALREADY HURT SO MANY PEOPLE. I DON’T BELONG HERE. THAT JANITOR EVEN DISCOVERED HOW TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME. I DON’T KNOW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF MORE PEOPLE FOUND OUT HOW TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY BROKENNESS…

Mariya Takeuchi

Was any of that actually your fault? You’re one of the nicest people I know, MissingNo. You wouldn’t hurt a fly!

*HOBaRT transforms into a horrid cacophony of pixels and bones.*
MissingNo.

YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT I AM CAPABLE OF

Phoenix Wright

(Don’t be scared, Phoenix, you’ve seen worse!…)

Mariya Takeuchi

Not only are you nice, you look really bad-ass when you get scary!

*This catches MissingNo off guard. It transforms into its typical self.*
MissingNo.

…I look… bad-ass?

Mariya Takeuchi

Yes! You have so much to be proud of, MissingNo.! I’m such in awe of your music… It’s unlike anything I’ve ever heard! Our battle was one of my most exciting experiences here at the tournament! There was so much to it that I can’t even begin to describe. I felt like I was on another world! If there’s anything I’m regretting now that the tournament is over is that we never got to have a collaboration. So yes, I think “bad-ass” is a very accurate description of you at your “worst”, MissingNo!

Geno

Agreed. That was particularly bad-ass, if I may say so myself.

Unregistered HyperCam 2

yea pretty sure u bein badass is common knowlege

*MissingNo broods.*
MissingNo.

…I could have done a lot better… during our match…

Mariya Takeuchi

What do you mean? You were amazing!

MissingNo.

But I lost…

Unregistered HyperCam 2

come on, I alraedy told u that stuff dosnt matter. Besides, thers no reason 2 b sad about that, ur gettn a prize anyway cuz u came in 4th

Phoenix Wright

Didn’t you see what prize you were getting when you traveled into the future? That’s something you can be excited about!

MissingNo.

…The future I saw isn’t necessarily going to happen anymore. The fact that I told you and accidentally announced it probably caused the present to change dramatically… so I’m as in the dark as you are now…

Geno

Well regardless, you do have something to be excited for then, yes?

Papyrus

OH MY GOD!!! IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS!?!

*Papyrus runs over to them.*
Papyrus

YOU THERE, WITH THE BONES!! I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR YOU FOR SUCH A LONG TIME!!!

MissingNo.

Um…sorry? I think you might have made a mistake…

Papyrus

I DO NOT BELIEVE I’VE MADE A MISTAKE, AS I VERY RARELY MAKE THEM!! I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR THE AMAZING PASTA!! IT WAS SO GREAT, IT WARMED MY SOUL COMPLETELY!!!

MissingNo.

Oh, the creepy pasta? That wasn’t anything special…

Papyrus

OH, THAT’S WHAT IT WAS CALLED?? EITHER WAY, I REALLY LIKED IT! FOR THAT, I OFFER MY HAND TO YOU IN FRIENDSHIP!

MissingNo.

Um… sorry… I’m not someone who’s capable of having friends…

Papyrus

**GASP**!

*Papyrus’ expression falls with a mixture of horror and sorrow.*
Papyrus

DID… YOU JUST SAY YOU’RE INCAPABLE OF HAVING FRIENDS?

MissingNo.

…yes?

Papyrus

TAKE THAT! THAT IS COMPLETELY WRONG!! I HAVE HAD A STAGNANT LOW FRIEND QUALITY FOR A LONG TIME, BUT HERE I AM NOW, WITH PLENTY OF PALS! NOT TO MENTION, YOUR PASTA-CREATING SKILLS ALMOST OUTMATCH MYSELF! YOU CAN’T JUST CONTRADICT AND PUT YOURSELF DOWN LIKE THAT!

Phoenix Wright

Hey! Don’t steal my line! And – that’s not even a proper contradiction!

Papyrus

ALLOW ME TO PROVE YOU WRONG! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL HAVE THE HONOR OF BEING YOUR FIRST FRIEND!!

Phoenix Wright

Take That! Alright, buddy, let me show you how it’s done properly. *Ahem*…All of us here are already friends with MissingNo! Therefore…

*Phoenix slams his hands down on…nothing. But it gets the point across.*
Phoenix Wright

…it is impossible for you to be MissingNo’s “first” friend!

Papyrus

OH, WHOOPSIE DOOPSIE! I HADN’T REALIZED YOU ALL WERE FRIENDS WITH HIM, TOO!! FROM THE SOUNDS OF IT HOWEVER, HE SEEMS TO HAVE A VERY SUPPORTIVE FRIEND GROUP.

Geno

You speak the truth, Papyrus. We are all your friends here, MissingNo. And as friends, it is our duty that we look out for each other.

Mariya Takeuchi

There are lots more people here who are itching to meet you, MissingNo. Why don’t you come out with us to the party instead of staying in the kitchen? This is a wonderful opportunity to make even more friends!

Unregistered HyperCam 2

yea come on. come wow them wit ur badassness

*Missingno shivers and warbles. It begins to… cry?*
MissingNo.

I-I-I-I… d-don’t know what it m-means… t-t-to have… f-f-friends…

Mariya Takeuchi

That’s okay. We can help you learn.

*MissingNo looks up at Mariya and smiles.*
MissingNo.

…t-t-thank you… thank… y-y-you…

Mariya Takeuchi

Come on. They’re all waiting for you.

*They all head back to the party.*