Dinner Under Pressure


*The dining hall.*
Solid Snake

…what is this?

Pitbull

Creepy pasta!

Eminem

What’s with the spooky theme? Is it fuckin’ Halloween now or somethin’?

Elmo

No, silly! It’s pasta day!

Jack Black

Hey, watch your language…

Elmo

Huh? Silly isn’t a bad word, Mr. Black!

Jack Black

…You’re right Elmo, my bad! Silly is an okay word to use… unlike some other words…

Eminem

Continue reading “Dinner Under Pressure”

First Round Losers’ Support Group


*Curly walks into the meeting room, holding Quote’s hand in tow. Marina, Pearl, Paruko, Agent J, Geno, Pitbull, and Eminem are already settled in.*
Quote

… [You feel content.]

Curly Brace

Hiya, guys! Are we late?

Marina

Oh, not at all, we were just about to start.

Continue reading “First Round Losers’ Support Group”

Party’s Over… ~ A Heart-To-Heart with Off the Hook


*Pearl is lying on a bean bag chair in the dressing room face-down. Marina walks in.*
Marina

Knock knock…

Pearl

[muffled] What do you waaant…

Marina

Just wanted to check in. You okay?

Pearl

[muffled] Nooooooo…

Marina

[sigh] I know, Pearlie… it’s hard for me too. I guess we just lost the following after last time, huh?

Pearl

*Marina kneels by Pearl’s side. Pearl turns over to look at her.*
Marina

You’re honestly starting to worry me. You’re usually never this quiet.

Pearl

…Why even bother? Why do I need to put in the energy to be angry? Why should I put in the energy to do ANYTHING anymore? 2nd place, 32nd place… it’s all the same JUNK! All our efforts up to this point, for what… NOTHING!

Marina

That’s not a healthy way of thinking, Pearlie… Do you have any idea how many people we make happy by just BEING in this tournament?

Pearl

Do you have any idea how many MORE people hate our stinking guts because of everything we’ve done so far? People have been rooting for us to lose this whole time just because we came in 2nd last time! We’re Public Enemy Number One of the tournament, and look where it got us!

Continue reading “Party’s Over… ~ A Heart-To-Heart with Off the Hook”

A Slipper-hee Allegiance – Jack Bros. and King Dedede Reinterview

King Dedede

What do ya mean they aren’t here yet?

Meowth

What I mean is what I’m saying! The Jack Bros. aren’t here yet, and the interview was supposed to start 15 minutes ago! We told them to be here on time!

*Escargoon slides into the interview room, panicked.*
Escargoon

Sire, I found them!

Continue reading “A Slipper-hee Allegiance – Jack Bros. and King Dedede Reinterview”

Don’t get Cooked! – Off the Hook ft. Paruko Interview

Pearl

Y’all know what time it is!

Marina

It’s Off the Hook coming at you LIVE fr-

Meowth

UHH, girls, I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I’M supposed to do the intros around here!

Marina

Oh, my bad! Heehee!

Meowth

Well I’m glad to have yas up here either way! As the runner-ups of the first tournament, you must have a LOT of things going through your mind right now!

Continue reading “Don’t get Cooked! – Off the Hook ft. Paruko Interview”

Off the Hook ft. Paruko

After a respectable second place finish in the last tournament, Off the Hook are looking to wow the crowd once more with an encore performance! Marina and Pearl are once again joined by Paruko, bringing her chiptune-rock flair to the stage. With their talents combined, these seaborn superstars are more motivated than ever to claim their turf on the throne once and for all!

  • Sources
  • Rips featuring songs from the
    Splatoon franchise
  • Rips featuring “God of ink”
  • Arrangements done in a Splatoon style
  • Examples
  • Ebb & Flow, The Girl From Inkopolis, Octarmaments, Fly Octo Fly
Individual portraits: PearlMarinaParukoIllustration: Dead Line (@DeddoRain)

Paruko was previously known under the stage name “Glenna Nalira” but has opted to return to using her real name.